Cathartic Revelations...and other waking nightmares

I've been undergoing a detox for about four days now.
It's been prempted by some yucky feelings. Bit of self-loathing going on and a bit of soul-mining, which can always be a little painful. I consider this when I look at an open-cut mining operation and think 'surely this hurts Mumma Earth?'. Just laying bare the layers and exposing them to the elements...things are going to get blown away as dust and detritus...obviously.

This morning after a relatively normal night of sleep-wake-sleep-shuffle-sleep and then the pitch *down* into the subconscious, I found myself having the most purgative experience.

I was in a kind of meeting place, where my children were 'off' with someone else, or a group of kids doing some activity. It felt like a municipal building...like a library with a 'kids play room' or 'facility for learning activities' (or other such inane name for and inside learning place). The decor was dark, royal blue carpet, 'panels' for walls and that aluminium stripping on the connections. Doors with glass inclusions so no-one can do anything without being watched...that kind of place.

I was very, very sad. Not the sort of depression that is from dysfunction or trauma, but a deep apathy, a soul-wrenching ache and a longing to be free of it. I wasn't usually like this, I was angry at this moment.
A lady walked up to me and said "Well, she's like this because you never TAKE her to the Yeronga centre, and she never gets to be with....", she'd kept talking but I'd just put my hands over my ears and began to weep while walking swiftly away. (Yeronga is a suburb in Brisbane where there are colleges and schools, and maybe I've associated this with 'corrective learning')

Then *zip*, and I am in a circle group setting. Other parents are lighting a pizza topped with oil and making the flame go around on top of it to the delight of the kids and adults. All this frivolity and 'learning' about flammability...chemical reactions...oooh the technology... yet I am sitting in the corner so deflated. I am a person who has no air. I am a mother without her children around her. I can't see them. I can't feel them. I can't even sense where they are. My eyes weep tears and I have no control over it. I can't smile I can't even muster a smile or a mask. I am laid bare. Open to the elements around me.

My gaze travels around the group and I meet some concerned eyes, and one woman with dark hair and the sort of face you meet in counselling sessions grabs my focus. She is full of empathy and so worried. The emotion scares the hell out of me but I don't even flinch. I move my gaze onwards and then fall back onto a pillow, weeping from my gut, wrenched out sobs that eventually wake me up.

Oh god, the utter emptiness I felt when I woke.
Near to tears for real and wondering who that sad woman was.
I sense my past and realise I've let a lot of fear go.
I used to be depressed. Clinically depressed. I used to wear a mask and it damaged me.
I used to be that poor poor woman, and she knew what you were thinking of her.

I breathe deeply and pull up the covers. Across the room my little girl shuffles and sighs. I hear my baby boy in the next room wake his Daddy up with a cranky demand and then hear the patter of feet up the hallway.
"MUM! Is morning NOW! MUM! IS MORNING now!" he says, and then snuggles in before saying, "Mummm, get out mine bed! my turn in 'ere".

Smiling, I shift myself out of his bed, and begin the day. Life is good, even if you're woken up in this manner.

Vegan and Gluten Free...otherwise known as VGF (verygoodfood) - Part 1

Hi!
Been a while...its now 2013 and its February...how time flies.
Quick update...Chinut is gluten intolerant...oh yes indeedy :\
How does one 'find out' that they are gluten intolerant? It begins with denying the fact that every time you eat bread or similar, you experience awful wrenching pains across the diaphragm, up the esophagus and get a smashing headache and sweats to go with it. Yes, for a while there (a long while actually) I'd considered that it must be eggs, or butter, or a combination of eggs and toast with butter, so I'd try 'no butter' and still get a reaction...so I tried 'no eggs' and I still got a reaction. Finally (oh dear me, yes, it takes a while for the light to dawn...) I tried 'no bread', but I told myself it was so I could actually lose some extra flab because admitting that the pain was caused by bread was like telling my best friend they were a bad influence on me...just a hard thing to do.

So bread was eliminated and I went on to feel marvelous. I lost a stack of weighty flab from my bod. I felt so much better! The peri-oral dermatitis I'd had flaring very very badly even went down. These subtle and not-so-subtle indications of my body's massive internal imbalance, helped me to stay bread free for some time. Though, contradictorily, I did not want to admit I had gluten intolerance. It seemed like a weakness to me. It seemed to me that I'd have to admit 'something was wrong with me'...

I ate oats, and with minimal reactions and the actual goodness of oats, I was able to 'feel full' after a meal of them. Three years down the track from my wonderful pregnancy with Angelina where I'd done all the bread-free work, and I'd slipped back into old habits. I can bake bread really well, and its a source of pride for me to produce this for me and my family, so it was difficult to bake this gorgeous smelling stuff and not sample some too...you know what I mean. Out of the oven comes a hightop loaf of wholemeal or tray after tray of vegetable Cornish pasties and it turns into Drool City. When I would see my babies all heartily tucking into the goodies I baked it made the world seem right. Baking tends to lend a certain atmosphere of comfort to a home.

Zipping forward to the pregnancy with Jeremy and I've again established a massive flare up of peri-oral dermatitis. Its awful. I feel like a baboon's arse, my face is red, inflammed, itchy and cringefully ugly to me. I desperately try every known trick I have and ask informed friends for their best take on what to do. Time and time again we return to pro-biotics and pre-biotics as the indications all point to massive internal imbalance. I even go so far as to try out MMS (water cleaning) treatment, but it was a little to much to take. What does help is the pro-biotics. I used Kefir milk. It's sour and zingy, creamy and wholesome. I like it but I don't like having to drink it. 'Consistency' is not my 'thing'. I help this by also using a pro-biotic vegetable powder (In-Liven by Miessence) but its made with greens that contain gluten, so I end up having my skin blow up from that. I go back to Kefir. Better. At this point, I am still eating bread (yeah! can you believe it?!) and having the pain reactions to it, but being pregnant and sometimes very hungry, I choose the quickest option and 'make a sandwich'. (this does cause me pain but I can explain it as indigestion of pregnancy...nice'n'tidy) In fact, we all can see, its not a quick option and not even the lazy option...that would have been a pear or an apple, which is what I did during Angelina's pregnancy.

Along comes Jeremy, birthed at home into water, and he's just beautiful. I enter this stretch of Motherhood with conscious foreboding. I look at him on the first night and shake my head, say to myself 'how am I going to do this when I feel like 'this'?', and we end up just 'getting on with it'. That's what I am good at. Perseverance. I persevere. If nothing else I am the Energiser Bunny...I'll just keep on keeping on. A couple of weeks in and we all know something is definitely wrong. A baby, any baby, shouldn't be able to produce this much wind. Its just in.sane. And me too! I can't get over how much bloating and wind I have. Its uncomfortable and unsociable. I read all I can about babies, gluten intolerance, dairy intolerance, and colic being a convenient way for us all just to keep on eating a standard western diet and dose our infants with colic mixtures. Tidy,...again. Society seems to enjoy tidiness.

Jeremy around four months old, and me ;) still sort of bloated...we've found gluten free bread, but I don't think it helps one to stay slim... ;\

This is like a red rag to a bull in my case. 'So I should just dose my bubba and hope it works?'. Like fuq I will. I know there is a solution, but it will be a difficult one for me to get my head around. I make no bones about it now. I am a product of conditioning from the society I was brought up in. I'll get past that too though,...one day soon. I try one week without dairy, and little effect (because I'm still eating bread) and then the next week with no bread. Well. After one 24hr stint of no bread Jeremy sleeps for four hours, peacefully, in the morning. I conclude, 'I am gluten intolerant and so is my baby'. Tah-dah!

Without gluten I become calmer. My skin clears up and I 'handle' stuff better. Now, all I need to do is get this bod into gear and balance the internals, because, yep, we've got thrush on a massive scale. Both baby and me. We clear it away with liquid and gluten free pro-biotic (Fast Tract from Miessence) some organic extra virgin coconut oil, a little colloidal silver and lots of fresh food. I am still on this particular 'journey' and this bacteria or parasite or whatever is stubbornly refusing to fuq off out of my system or at the very least calm down enough to be undetectable...so we are in a kind of def-con 5 situation with this little 'bastid' (or could that be 'blasto'?)...I'm starting Pokeroot Tincture in the coming week so will keep you posted on that little experiment too.

I notice from now on, that when I have a milk tea that Jeremy gets bad nappy rash. It manifests like his bowel is on fire..poor little chap gets red blistery like things around his anus...and so again I can conclude that at least for Jeremy 'my baby is dairy intolerant'.  I also observe that eggs make me feel queasy. They give me a pep of energy via the protein, but from what I am researching about gluten intolerance, it lends credence to the theory or research so far that gluten intolerant people seem to have difficulty processing certain proteins.

It is at this point I now know that Vegan and Gluten Free is going to be my future. Now starts the de-programming from a life so far of breads, standard grains, dairy and egg. Honey! omgoodness...I'll have to give up honey! damn. Then I discover maple syrup. ok!...its all ok again... ;)

More to come on my amazing Vegan and Gluten Free Journey in future posts! Stay tuned for amazing insights into Almonds, Cashews, and Brazil nuts (yum). The glory of Tahini. Wonderful wonderful Maple syrup and the joys of dried fruits and bliss balls. Banana and Spirulina smoothies, fresh organic herb teas, stacked green salads to make your mouth water,Chia Seed fantasticness and more :)

Blessings! xxx

My own words, thankyou...

This morning, Angelina and I spent some quiet moments watching the sun rise, listening to the birds, watching clouds, sipping tea (and her hot cacao) etc...we reflected on a few things and then I asked her if she would try to sing the song she'd asked me to sing her the night before.
It was the 'sing a song of sixpence' nursery ryhme, and I asked her if she could repeat the words after me, so she could learn it and sing it to her auntie or the new baby...

I sang 'Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye...', and then asked her to sing it back to me.

She slyly looked at me,...sideways, out the corner of her eyes and with a cheeky grin announced in a sing songy voice, "Zinga Zangah zooo zoo and packet full of POOOOOO". And then dissolved into her own merriment.


I decided not to try anymore 'repeat after me' things this morning.

We watched clouds again.

Oooh sleek new posting capabilities on Blogger...noice ;)

Well not much has been going on, just everything. I'm pregnant with fourth child, wrigglin and a wigglin away happily. We're moving house in a few weeks time to the Gold Coast and we are currently in the 'clean-up, do-we-really-need-this?, why-did-we-keep-so-much-shyte?' phase. Its cathartic and cleansing...

The kids have all had a bout of Spring cleansing as well, each being ill for a few days in turn over the space of the last three weeks or so. Considerate of them not to all get sick at once. I've figured out that Wil doesn't cough when he stands on his head. Makes for interesting career choices...but I'm sure he'll come good once he's got the nerves in check. Charlotte is a master craftsperson now, knocking out one or more amazing things per week, and Angelina has hit the phase of 'complete-meltdowns', which we are currently moving through with breathing techniques and lots of 'activities'. SEEMS to be working when I have the energy to keep at it.

Been busy with the different friends and outings through the natural learning groups we attend, and while its so so so nourishing to make connections like this, its also a form of socialising which I need more than the children sometimes. :) But they have a 'group of friends' now, and I cherish that, even if it does take a lot of Time out of the week and keeps me from seeing my own family sometimes, the children feel the time with family is all the more precious and looked forward to as much as time with their mates. Its a win-win situation as they say.


More soon when we get photos of the new house :)

Sparkly Things
Nette
xx

Are we 'living online' a little too much?

I was considering the other day that my journalling has been quite lacking in the last couple of years. Obviously, new baby did have something to do with that, but I pushed aside the responsibility of the monthly newsletter to provide me with more time to create, be with the children, home-educate, etc...and then,...where is this life being recorded?
Just to prove that Facebook CAN suck the creativity out of you before you notice where its gone....these are a collection of some of my posts on Facebook over the last couple of months only....it was eye-opening for me to see the kind of 'affirmation gold' and snippets of life I wasn't journalling anymore.


Gratitude: When I feel crappy, weak or irritated it makes me think of when I'm happy, strong and calm :) And I think to myself, "I won't always feel this crappy,...soon I feel good again", and instantly I'm looking forward to feeling great.

Om is Divine Connection... :)


There is sincerely so much to be grateful for...I wonder why I didn't do this earlier :) perhaps I was stuck in the 'observation deck' of my ivory tower ;))

What crazy and amazing thing have you got planned for me today world? :)


Ice cold air
Nips at my toes
like small fish


Sparkly lights,
fall on my eyes,
like Blessings.

Mind Yoga for today: Immerse yourself in memories of what you daydreamed as a child. Child-Mind gifts :}

William has been writing and trying to spell and do his letters nicely...overheard this in the backseat today from Wil to Charlie, "Hey Charlie? see that 'S' I just did?? yeah, nice isn't it...its a really good 'S' hey..." Makes me think of 'Strongbad'...I think they are watching too much YouTube... ;]

"I am Abundant with Knowledge and Solutions"

"Everything I no longer need makes its way easily out of my Life, in Perfect Ways"

"I have all the Time to do anything I want to"

"I think therefore I draw"

 All my art is an expression of something within, and a reflection of it too...

Listening to Rob take care of Angelina tonight and thought, 'Here's one of the few things you never thought you'd hear yourself say, ... until you have a baby'. "Just sit there and finish quietly so I can wipe your bum" Parenthood GOLD...

"My body always knows what's best for me right now."

Just read David Wolfe's post and was thinking 'man, this dude is nearly as busy as I am!' :)) and I'm still motoring on on a Saturday afternoon!! woohoo, life rolls and rocks and wobbles and rights... ;D

Swollen with the realisation of Bliss...what a good place for my Mind to reside at.

Barefoot, by the seaside, virtually ALL day. Fricken fantastique!

Summer and AJ were bickering yesterday and Nicholas calmly said to them "be peace...be in harmony"....he told me later that he got that expression from Wil. Nicholas has obviously picked up on Wil's harmony too as he has been calmer since we last saw you. (amazing!)

Wil put a Pirate (temporary) treasure chest tattoo on Angelina's bum today....what will they get up to when they're older???!

Wil just wrote a whole letter to his new friend, without prompting, without supervision, and it just looks great :) He put it in the bottle he found at the beach yesterday and called it his 'message in a bottle', ("you know Mum?..like the song?", "yeah, I know the song Wil..thanks")

"I now choose to embrace Beautiful Change and invite New Experiences into my Life in Perfect Ways"

"When Honesty is shared, it blooms profoundly, encompassing all of those who wish to embrace it."
...because we're all here with this thing called reality trying to bend it to our perspective. Sometimes we bend so hard it flips back up in our faces with a resounding *smack!*

'The world turns, and groans, and stretches, shaking the land and the sea, as it has always done as it always will be. That we exist here on this planet, on its orbit in this position from the Sun, is a feat of immense Perfection. Peace to the Beings moving to another place, another space, and compassion to those in the unknowing, in grief and feeling Loss'

"Our Perception of any space alters the events that occur within it. Because of this the way we create our spaces; and for us in this reality, our immediate living spaces and environment, has a huge impact upon our health, wealth and happiness"

"If I am here now, it is because I am fulfilling and infinite plan of Being. Within this Life I can be immensely Powerful, Compassionate and completely in control of my Emotions and Actions. I can do whatever I want and have whatever I want. It is all here to be gifted towards my Life. I am Abundance. I am Perfection. I am the Perfect Me." notes, 7.3.2011

Dragonfly Wings, Moss, Green, Mist, Old Bark, Lichen, pale sunlight and a pervading sense of Quiet...

... just sitting back, allowing things to unfold, as they do...

* We are Infinitely Powerful *




Jannette Tibbs ‎"The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else -- we are the busiest people in the world." -Eric Hoffer, philosopher and author (1902-1983)

 

 

Why Facebook Sucks...

Well, it kinda DOES!

I just watched a powerful, ... seemingly innocuous, film today about a mother recording each day of her child's life via photographs. It was inspired by her own sister's project to be grateful for *something* for a whole year, and record it. That project is now to become a documentary called simply '365 Grateful'. You should probably check it out...its inspiring of course.

The film of snapshots is on Gregarious Peach blogsite (you know how to search...go surf) and it is poignant, simple, honest and the accompanying post is just gold. Gold. In her blogpost she describes how *life* is with young babies, with a head full of ideas, and little Beings asking for attention. She says quite pointedly that she gets angry at her children for the stupid things like interrupting her internet surfing waste time, and not being able to progress thoughts and ideas into any sort of fruition, and that just really struck home for me. I wept.

My life may seem like a glorious non-stop honouring of 'the child' and creativity, freedom and a sort of radicalisation of life in comparison to how other people are living it, and to an extent, yes, it is. Yet am I being honest about my life to Me? Am I understanding that *the dream* and the reality are two separate entities? Because to be honest, they sometimes combine, which makes coming out of *the dream* always a jarring and unpleasant experience. One moment I'm floating on a harmony cloud, children happy, contented, animated, loving, sharing, collective,... and then 'splat'...face down in poo! Can I choose to make *the dream* my reality and just stay there for the most part? occasionally popping into reality to pay the rent and a few utilities, travel some highway and fulfill a certain set of obligations?

'Tree of Youth' Pencil on cartridge, 1990-1991, Jannette Tibbs

 There's a crack in the wall made with time and age,... go, climb through it...

That's my Dream ;}

Facebook can be a time waster, and I thought as much about blogging at first, but now I use it as an online journal, and that just makes it flow so much easier. My children and their experience of me as their mother, helper, teacher and student feels like the most important and rewarding thing I can do as a Being. I can't think of anything; no career, vocation or belief that would surpass my commitment to their happiness, and yet, when I've been searching, looking, reading, writing or 'networking', I've somehow convinced myself that they don't require my attention. It's utter bullshit.

Not like I'm having *me time* with a candleight soak in a Lavender Oil and Oatmeal bath...in which case I'd probably share it with Angelina Petal anyway....BUT, you know? the video of Gregarious Peach just slammed home how fleeting this time is with the children and how very very very very very very precious it IS. I've constructed a life with my children, home-educating, radical parenting, etc... to allow me to completely immerse myself in the life I wish for, and then I go and piss a good amount of it away trolling the 'net. How stupid can I act?

So stuff it all, I'm signing off. I think I may give it all in, this 'social networking', and just Live.
Ciao!
Love you!
Bye!
xxx
Mwah!!!

What I've become

Hello again dear blog xxx

Well, a lot has been happening since we last connected. I read a few of the old posts and see that I was slightly fixated with red wine and magic. Which is all good, in moderation for the first and in excess for the second.

I went through a massive 9month stint of not drinking ANYTHING, and walking each day, mantra, Kirtan, meditation etc. All good for the Mind, Body and Spirit. Then, at the end, to save my marriage, my friendship, my relationship, my family, ...I involved myself again, and seeing as I am 'ms fertility', the result is Angelina Petal. Freaked me out no end, but, I do so honestly believe, in all my heart, that things happen for a purpose, so I took a few months to go through the twists and turns of 'how the bloody hell am I going to do this!', and, 'why is this happening NOW????!', and came to a Peace.
I came to a strength too.
I came to realise I had friends, and those friends were and invaluable source of strength in their own right, but encouraged my own sense of power too.

So now, dear blog, I am more powerful from a most powerful experience, that I am guilty of not talking to you about. The waterbirth, at home, of my third child, Angelina Petal :)

Pics coming soon :)
Promise! :)

Pumpkin on my shoulder

and other interesting titles...

Its funny how many interesting titles float past the mind when babies are in the house. I've had several titles for posts that have never been written because I just didn't get the time.
There was 'the joy of sparkly nail polish' or 'raiding your eight year old's cosmetics'.
'No, its not poo on my shirt cuff....I've had curry'.
Sorry to say the mind is like a sieve and the whole episode has completely escaped me now...

And now. Pumpkin on my shoulder. Sing it in the frame of that song 'teardrops on my shoulder, make me happeeeeee'
We've also been singing 'Pooooo glorious Pooooooo, smelly, runny and glugggeeeeee'
(food glorious food from Oliver!)
Then there's been the classic....
'BUM FREE! as free as the wind blows, as free as the POOOOO flows, as free as can BEEEEEEEE'. (born free)

Certifiable eh. Its all very poo oriented, but parenting is like that...no one lets you know that after you have a baby you CAN (and will) have a 3 hour conversation about the bowel movements of your child...and you think its completely ok to talk about it too...
;[

A little Angel

My new little girl, Angelina Petal, at about 7 weeks.
What a cutie eh? :)

"Daddy's afraid of the lightening behind your eyes"

Had another dream.

This one was about a little girl child, who was my child, and we were laying down on the grass beside a road, like the footpath grass edge with an old telegraph pole near to where we were. Thing was, we were near a road in a suburb like Holland Park, so even in my dream, the dreamer me was sort of nervous about being so close to a road with a little child. She would have been about two, and had that light blonde curly hair that toddlers have. Very adorable.

As we were laying down, twiddling toes, enjoying sunshine, looking at clover flowers and dandelion heads, she looks up at my face. We are very close, and she bends her face in towards my face, so we are nose to nose. I smile back at her, and then she comes out with, "you know, you have lightening behind your eyes"

I say 'hmmmm? yes?....I know. I do"

Then she says, "it looks like bursting fireworks"

"really?, are you afraid of it?"

She just stares back at me without expression, just watching me.

I say, "you don't have to be afraid of it... it's just energy inside me, like Reiki energy"

Then she says with her head down, eyes examining a clover bud, "Daddy is afraid of the lightening behind your eyes...." she looks back up at my face for a reaction.

"noooo...Daddy knows what it is too. its alright, Daddy's not afraid of Mummy"

And then we keep on chatting and I swing her up so she is sitting on my shoulders, and we begin to very slowly plod up the steep hill on the footpath. One foot very slowly after another....I assume we are on our way home.

Any time spent with children alone is like this. Its magical and singular and solitary and sacred. They just effortlessly bring out the best of Life.

Flying eels and caveman parenting

Another dream of rare quality...

This dream was kind of in two parts. One part dealt with this fantastic 'observational' system.
In the dream, there was this room, like a museum auditorium, where there had been constructed a 'prehistoric cave', with fossils and fake charcoal and everything. It even had 'observational windows' up high along one side, and one could imagine the wax worked 'cavemen' that had once stood around, glass eyes reflecting light, with their prominent brows and determined expressions. However, now, the cave was used for a behavioural experiment/exercise for men from the ages of say about 16 to over 30, and young children from toddler age to say 6 or 7. The exercise was to put say two or three young males in with the toddlers and watch them interact in the wonderland of clay, rocks, mud, sticks, bones and other glorious 'get dirty and hurt oneself' objects! The object of the exercise was that the young males' only requirement was that whatever behaviour was displayed, they were to be able to deter or avoid the children from hurting themselves, or others in the group. This was pretty much their only obligation, their only responsibility.

Beautifully, in the dream, the young males got so into the kid's games that they took their shirts off and got covered in clay and crap and completely forgot they were being observed. Grins were the same from adult or child. It was great! I think the Purpose of the exercise was to reconnect these males with their ability to 'parent', which is essentially the ability to play and direct and interact with children. The funniest part to me was that the 'mums' were able to watch all of this unobtrusively from a specially designed cafe behind one way glass. Fab. Capuccino and chaos, in a controlled environment.

The other part of the dream, or perhaps it was a later dream, or an earlier dream, ... (! hell, I don't know! I've been dreaming ALL the time lately) was to do with intensely blue eyes looking to find me while I waited at a bus stop, flying eels (uh huh, REALLY, and big eels too...multicoloured ones) with advertising banners, the suburb of Springwood, and treetops,...and the practice of cycling home and then dismounting to do a good long run whilst kicking a custom made 'puck' made of revolutionary rubber...
oh and a friend of mine from highschool was having a reunion, but he was either brain damaged or in extremely early stages of Alzhiemers and no one could really communicate with him, so it was odd. And it was the case where most other people were ambivalent about his condition or completely unaccepting of the reality of how different he was, and it was all very confusing....
So maybe this was the 'dream' that made no sense, because it was the one closest to when I needed to get out of bed and, of course, go to the loo.

Baby has been VERY active lately. And the little darling is getting the hiccups more than once a day now. I kind of shudder every 20 to 30 seconds for a minute or two. Odd.

drip drip drip

Me and Rob with little Charlotte - over eight years ago...

Today it started off raining. I think that I grew up with so much sunshine and blue sky that a day of rain is like,... exciting! but at the same time immensely soothing. My first thought was 'tea....now', and my second was 'the doona is really soft'. :) And then the pull to return to bed and just cuddle up with the blinds open so I could watch the swirling of the thick rain-laden clouds, from the cocoon of my bed. Ahhh..rain.

Somewhat 'womb oriented' thinking you may feel? I'd agree. This baby is giving off a fair bit of psychic energy, and I'm revelling in it. :)

Charlie is not feeling her best, so we are having a day at home. William is helping by bringing her drink of water to her....wherever she is,...to make sure she can get better and play. They are currently on the laptop playing the 'falling fruit' game on the Sali Mali website. (Welsh) They love it. And it is so nice to not be able to hear them playing. It means they're dreadfully 'into it' and concentrating. :))

Baby is due in 2 and a half weeks.
My mind does an amazing warpy thing everytime I conciously realise how close it is, and how soon I will be a Mother to three children. *blink blink* three children. Me! *raising eyebrows* *giving a low whistle under my breath* *shaking head softly* and smiling...

A ngharshzzlppppppppt moment

Ever had one of those moments, where you are sure everythings going wrong for a very good reason?
Today I decided to vacuum the car out before anything started bearing fruit. I even vacuumed the garage mats first. I noticed the vacuum wasn't sucking as hard as it usually did, so I decided to empty out the poor thing and let it breathe a bit. And wow, when I opened the little sucker up, it was stuffed full of hair and dust and crap. Time to get a plastic bag.
I trudge to the laundry, retrieve bag.
Unclip the little plastic jug and place the lip of the jug over the edge of the bag, so it should all just tip in nicely. er hah.
All of the contents of the jug misses the bag ( how? ) and ends up as a pile on the carpet. oh yay.
But wait! (forsooth!)
What do I see amongst the hair and crap? A screw? a little black screw? like the one I spent a whole morning looking for that is actually a part of my children's Ukelele that has been mysteriously ("I didn't do it Mummy") broken for a week or so????
Why yes, it is.
Oh joy. (happiness ensues)

I fix the Ukelele and tune the little darling thing. My sisterB gave it to my lovely little daughter Charlie as a birthday gift last year, and it's quite dear to us. It's blue with Hibiscus flowers on it. V cute. and Charlie makes up songs with it, so we NEED it. :)

And so ends the tale of happy occurrences and fortunate happenings.

Attack Geese

If you've ever thought about getting an alternative to an attack dog, I can now thoroughly recommend geese.

Charlie, Will and me all visited my wonderful sister Carmen yesterday for a morning of Tarot, Harry Potter, tea and biccies. Fabulous. All days should be as good...

Then it was off to UQ to show the children The Great Court, and lots of sandstone carving and for them to breathe in the academia. We ate lunch in the IT lounge next to the cafe, and it was warm and lovely. Carmen had said the lake was lovely so we saved the crusts from our sandwiches to feed the ducks. We walked to the lake, through the many steps of the campus, down the hill of green grass. We saw the lake. Ahhhh. How reflective. So many birds.

Wow! look at those swans!

uh-uh.

NOT swans. Geese.

Not to worry, we are far away from them and we can feed the ducks here...

As soon as those winged devils caught wind of a free yeasty lunch, they were over in a flash, like great big bullying kids, honking and yelling at us.

"Give us FOOD! HONK HONK HONK!!!"

And their long sharp beaks, and their little tongues, and big wings, and did I mention their long sharp beaks and insistence on being the only ones served. Actually, they were a lot like blokes in an English pub on a Friday evening at rush hour. All yelling and getting attention, and frankly, just being rude.

Carmen kept a cool head and instructed the children to "Give them ALL the crust!..give them the lot! give it all to them, NOW!" And Charlotte burst into tears and Will freaked out, and my 'intimidation' just made them honk louder and walk towards me. aiee!

So. If you aren't a dog person, don't fear. You can get geese instead.

my life is beautiful........

I've had an up and down time of it lately, but life is so good still. I have so many things I am grateful for, and the clouds have been looking particularly puffy and luminescent lately.

It's all good.

I saw the moon on Wednesday night and it was hanging just below the evening star. The sky was clouded with smoke haze and gave the moon a different glow, like a kind of bronze-like sheen, below the brilliant white beaming evening star. It looked like a necklace pendant. Just stunning against the sunset sky with the irridescent blue fading into the smokey orange near the horizon. Am I being descriptive enough? This was just so blooming lovely. Equinox first cresent. Nyce.

Charlotte lost her first front top tooth today. We had several doses of Rescue Remedy with Mimulus, and then more talking, a few tears (I'm ok now) and then she had a cry too "because sometimes, *big breath in* I just need to have a cry Muuuuuuuuum", and then she just gave me a running commentary on it's removal as I had to sit outside the ensuite on the bed while she pulled it out. All in all it took about 40 minutes, which is about on par with the last tooth removal. I'm just happier that this one came out in the afternoon and not at 10pm.

Geez I was tired the last time.

I gave myself a big pat for being so patient and kind and not giving up and sending her to bed so she could just suck it out in her sleep............

I also swam with fish today in the tidal pool at Biggera Waters on the Gold Coast. Not much that can't be fixed by a dip with fishies. I feel sunkissed. Invigorated with the saltiness of the sea, and generally very bloody nice.

The result of wedded bliss...

I've been married for twelve years on the 7th January.
Twelve whole years.
This has me contemplating what it is about my sweet Roberto that has given our marraige it's longevity.

Could it be just because he's got a lovely twinkle in his eye? Maybe it's the fact that he has compatible DNA, and we have as a result, got simply beautiful children.......
I dreamt about Robbie about a year before I met him. I remember writing down the dream because I had it over and over again, and it was SO vivid. So easy to recall and write about.
Then, when I met Rob he wasn't the normal 'type' of guy I would have been interested in. But I remembered the dream, and knew it was him.
And for the first few years of marriage, I did find myself with my head in my hands just wailing 'why am I with this man?'!?
It all got better though.
We had to get better. Ha! :)

Some things are just meant to be. To be enjoyed. Not to be 'understood'.

riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite.....

Driving back to the shopping centre after a morning at the park with kiddies who are recovering from a relapse of the flu......

Charlotte has voiced her frustration with the process of getting better by having a five minute whinge-a-thon at very high pitch with tears and various other snotty intervals. (all very empathically dealt with of course,...I'm a nice Mummy) William watches on saying very emphatically "Mummy! Chaaaaarlotte iiiiiiiiiiis cryyyyyyyyyyyyyying!"

I keep on driving.
I have a sister to meet and a cup of tea in a soft chair to look forward too.
And I need to buy knicker liners and tampons, so I NEED to go to the shops, and don't really want to go home straight away with snotty children. (bless)

Two minutes from the shops I notice quietness in the car. I ask tentatively, as if I don't give a toss really,.."Feeling a little better now Charlie?"
Silence.
"What if I get a soft chair at a nice cafe and you can lie down while I talk to Kylie?"

Charlotte responds quickly with "Yes! and I can have a cup of tea in MY cup and a chocolate cupcake!....that will make me feel better" *snoooooort*
(all said in slightly whingy 'I'm still not very well you know' voice)

"Oh kay then darling"
"Will? You up for a cuppa tea too darl?"
Will gestures his hips forward getting comfy in his seat and says, "nahhhhhhhhh......." *snooooort*

Riiiiite.

Kids are so great.

It's like having friends you can't stand.

But you love them terribly and can't stand to be away from them either. I bet this is how the butler from Batman feels............

I think I'm doin somethin right.

On the weekend my sister (one of many) came to visit for a little work on the thought pathways that were all twisted up, and, it lasted a few hours. It had tears and sighs and heaves of breath, and my children were so good that they played quietly and respectfully on the other side of the garden while us two 'adults' played out the necessary grief and humour to temper the situation.

So after several hours of this and many cups of tea, my beautiful daughter comes up and says " Excuse me, can you take us to ride our scooters over at the pathway (etc etc etc.....)" and so we apologised for taking so long and thanked her for being so good and keeping her younger brother amused and interested.

And then she says, " And, you know, you can talk on the grass over there, 'cause I won't be able to hear whatever you're saying......... while I'm scootering around...and all that......" *looking at us with big green-blue eyes*

My sister and I just grinned widely and said thankyou. Then as she was walking away from us to gather baby brother plus scooters, my sister just gives me the biggest squeeze round the shoulders and beams a bright face at me. She says "She's such an amazing little person isn't she?!" nearly choking on her happiness.

It was Great. It was a moment filled with Grace. I'm always going to remember because it showed me that not only have I been able to teach my child compassion, but I've been able to show her enough so that she can display it openly, with natural capacity.

Felt it was like a big pat between the shoulder blades from the Universe you know? fab.

Manifestation or delusion?

Manifestation is the ability to make real our dreams and hopes, needs and wants, whether you choose to define them as such or not. Manifestation has intrigued me and I admit, I used to dismiss it as coincidence. Now I think that NOTHING is coincidence. Everything, that is, ev-er-y thing, happens because it needs to so that something else can occur and because something previous has occurred. Then we could get into parallel existences and really screw with my head, but lets not go there,....I've just washed clothes all day, cooked school dinners in advance, then our dinner, then bathed children (I call it the 'feed n dip' time of day), and I should be, at this very moment, going through a project on the endangered Asian Elephant for my six year old's new school teacher.

There is enough to contend with without going for the parallel existence thing ..... yet.

It's all got a lot to do with the Universal Law of Attraction..........
What we focus on we attract to our existence and our experience of life.

"I now attract beautiful experiences filled with prosperity and the cumulo-nimbus like growth of my spirit!"

Yee-hah. Love a good affirmation.

"Make mine bus tork!"

Ah Will. When Mummy looks like she is sleeping on the beanbag, recuperating from illness, and generally not paying you much attention,..then it's time to start having an imaginary friend, and let them make your bus 'tork'. And no matter how angelic your smile and how much you implore me, the best I can manage is to drowsily roll the bloody wheels along the carpet whilst grunting 'brooom broom'. It's pathetic I know.
I'll be all back to fully functioning soon.