Cathartic Revelations...and other waking nightmares

I've been undergoing a detox for about four days now.
It's been prempted by some yucky feelings. Bit of self-loathing going on and a bit of soul-mining, which can always be a little painful. I consider this when I look at an open-cut mining operation and think 'surely this hurts Mumma Earth?'. Just laying bare the layers and exposing them to the elements...things are going to get blown away as dust and detritus...obviously.

This morning after a relatively normal night of sleep-wake-sleep-shuffle-sleep and then the pitch *down* into the subconscious, I found myself having the most purgative experience.

I was in a kind of meeting place, where my children were 'off' with someone else, or a group of kids doing some activity. It felt like a municipal building...like a library with a 'kids play room' or 'facility for learning activities' (or other such inane name for and inside learning place). The decor was dark, royal blue carpet, 'panels' for walls and that aluminium stripping on the connections. Doors with glass inclusions so no-one can do anything without being watched...that kind of place.

I was very, very sad. Not the sort of depression that is from dysfunction or trauma, but a deep apathy, a soul-wrenching ache and a longing to be free of it. I wasn't usually like this, I was angry at this moment.
A lady walked up to me and said "Well, she's like this because you never TAKE her to the Yeronga centre, and she never gets to be with....", she'd kept talking but I'd just put my hands over my ears and began to weep while walking swiftly away. (Yeronga is a suburb in Brisbane where there are colleges and schools, and maybe I've associated this with 'corrective learning')

Then *zip*, and I am in a circle group setting. Other parents are lighting a pizza topped with oil and making the flame go around on top of it to the delight of the kids and adults. All this frivolity and 'learning' about flammability...chemical reactions...oooh the technology... yet I am sitting in the corner so deflated. I am a person who has no air. I am a mother without her children around her. I can't see them. I can't feel them. I can't even sense where they are. My eyes weep tears and I have no control over it. I can't smile I can't even muster a smile or a mask. I am laid bare. Open to the elements around me.

My gaze travels around the group and I meet some concerned eyes, and one woman with dark hair and the sort of face you meet in counselling sessions grabs my focus. She is full of empathy and so worried. The emotion scares the hell out of me but I don't even flinch. I move my gaze onwards and then fall back onto a pillow, weeping from my gut, wrenched out sobs that eventually wake me up.

Oh god, the utter emptiness I felt when I woke.
Near to tears for real and wondering who that sad woman was.
I sense my past and realise I've let a lot of fear go.
I used to be depressed. Clinically depressed. I used to wear a mask and it damaged me.
I used to be that poor poor woman, and she knew what you were thinking of her.

I breathe deeply and pull up the covers. Across the room my little girl shuffles and sighs. I hear my baby boy in the next room wake his Daddy up with a cranky demand and then hear the patter of feet up the hallway.
"MUM! Is morning NOW! MUM! IS MORNING now!" he says, and then snuggles in before saying, "Mummm, get out mine bed! my turn in 'ere".

Smiling, I shift myself out of his bed, and begin the day. Life is good, even if you're woken up in this manner.

The New Reality

We had an eclipse yesterday, and it was a slightly odd day...amongst the mundanity, there were moments of 'ooooh...something's happening' happening. YKWIM? The dreams last night were immense. I think I had the most lucid ones early in the morning ... as usual.

First one I remember is flying like a helicopter, over the cerulean blue ocean and headland...onwards to a futuristic building, lots of glass and glass and glass, shiny shiny glass and metal structure with stone steps and paving. Manicured gardens and hedges, all 'nice' and 'tidy'. But massive, I'm talking on a BIG scale like an enormous hotel complex.
Once inside I was with a child who may or may not have been mine, and we were faced with getting to our room. Strangely, it seemed like this place was one huge 5 Star rated refugee camp, designed by those smart Scandis at IKEA. The travelator / escalator was intimidating, like the moving stairs at Hogwarts, you jumped on and then had to jump off into a selected 'drawer' which had railing on it to stop you falling out. Then the drawer would 'float' up to an area on the wall where a mechanism would pop open the panelling to reveal a kind of lift, then 'swoosh' in went the person on the drawer 'thing'...obiviously up to an apartment I expected, or knew.
I was getting a little vertigo just watching the people doing this then a couple of odd things occurred. One line up to get onto the drawer/lift thingy had people queuing with shopping trollies full of food, and the other line had people with small hand luggage. SO I realised I'd been standing in the wrong queue with my child...and moved. We ended up receiving help to get onto the travelator thing and then the dream ended as we were going inside the 'wall panel lift thing'. Blooomp. Stop. I expect that was because we'd 'made it' to wherever we were going ;)

The second dream was staged at my Gran's house, (I often dream of this house as I spent a lot of my childhood there, and now it isn't in the family anymore, and I don't physically go there, but I am often astral visiting it)...but it was different of course. For one thing there was an enormous stuffed stingray mounted on the wall that would have been above her stove, but in the dream it was a fireplace with mantle...and the enormous stuffed stingray... It gets odder. I tried to get rid of the stuffed stingray by squashing it all up and flushing it down the loo...but only succeeded in making my sister roll her eyes at me, and so I retrieved the stingray and re-mounted it on the wall above the fireplace. My brother and I were reminicing about the nice bedroom we used to sleep in when we visited our Gran, and I remember in the dream that my brother and I spoke quite easily with each other (which doesn't generally happen in real life).  If this is a New Reality, then it would be a confusing one ;]

I liked my first dream better. Much less frustrating. :) I always love a dream where I fly of course ;} And it is a much easier dream to interpret...
I love freedom and that was the flying part, out over a beautiful ocean. My life at the moment is constricting my sense of freedom but instead of feeling bad about the suburban way of life I've seen it as a comfortable and neccessary sanctuary at this time of my life. This is I think the symbolism of the neatly ordered refugee hotel complex where some of the structures and processes are intimidating but ultimately I am doing this 'thing' with many others and we are all making our way 'to somewhere' of our own.

Looking forward to maintaining a place for myself and my babies in this world, where there is peace and freedom and safety. In perspective, I have this now, already, so in effect I will enjoy furthering this towards more independance and ease of life...yeah, more cloudwatching, gardening and reading books :) That'll be 'the life'.

Happy dreaming xxx
Nette
 :)

Why Facebook Sucks...

Well, it kinda DOES!

I just watched a powerful, ... seemingly innocuous, film today about a mother recording each day of her child's life via photographs. It was inspired by her own sister's project to be grateful for *something* for a whole year, and record it. That project is now to become a documentary called simply '365 Grateful'. You should probably check it out...its inspiring of course.

The film of snapshots is on Gregarious Peach blogsite (you know how to search...go surf) and it is poignant, simple, honest and the accompanying post is just gold. Gold. In her blogpost she describes how *life* is with young babies, with a head full of ideas, and little Beings asking for attention. She says quite pointedly that she gets angry at her children for the stupid things like interrupting her internet surfing waste time, and not being able to progress thoughts and ideas into any sort of fruition, and that just really struck home for me. I wept.

My life may seem like a glorious non-stop honouring of 'the child' and creativity, freedom and a sort of radicalisation of life in comparison to how other people are living it, and to an extent, yes, it is. Yet am I being honest about my life to Me? Am I understanding that *the dream* and the reality are two separate entities? Because to be honest, they sometimes combine, which makes coming out of *the dream* always a jarring and unpleasant experience. One moment I'm floating on a harmony cloud, children happy, contented, animated, loving, sharing, collective,... and then 'splat'...face down in poo! Can I choose to make *the dream* my reality and just stay there for the most part? occasionally popping into reality to pay the rent and a few utilities, travel some highway and fulfill a certain set of obligations?

'Tree of Youth' Pencil on cartridge, 1990-1991, Jannette Tibbs

 There's a crack in the wall made with time and age,... go, climb through it...

That's my Dream ;}

Facebook can be a time waster, and I thought as much about blogging at first, but now I use it as an online journal, and that just makes it flow so much easier. My children and their experience of me as their mother, helper, teacher and student feels like the most important and rewarding thing I can do as a Being. I can't think of anything; no career, vocation or belief that would surpass my commitment to their happiness, and yet, when I've been searching, looking, reading, writing or 'networking', I've somehow convinced myself that they don't require my attention. It's utter bullshit.

Not like I'm having *me time* with a candleight soak in a Lavender Oil and Oatmeal bath...in which case I'd probably share it with Angelina Petal anyway....BUT, you know? the video of Gregarious Peach just slammed home how fleeting this time is with the children and how very very very very very very precious it IS. I've constructed a life with my children, home-educating, radical parenting, etc... to allow me to completely immerse myself in the life I wish for, and then I go and piss a good amount of it away trolling the 'net. How stupid can I act?

So stuff it all, I'm signing off. I think I may give it all in, this 'social networking', and just Live.
Ciao!
Love you!
Bye!
xxx
Mwah!!!

Cellular Communication

ah yes, it is possible of course.

Last night/early this morning, I lapsed into a dream about the long dreaded suntanned dude that was in the 'historical' dream of mine. This time I met him at the campfire, early in the morning, the cold was biting the skin and he was sitting on a log next to the firepit, prodding the embers to life. I sit beside him, my arms crossed in front of me, hands under my armpits, gathering all the warmth I can from my body. He acknowledges me without looking my way, I just sense the hello from his innerself to mine.

He asks me without words to rub Cedarwood oil into the dreads, and his scalp. I can tell he's been irritated by itches. I begin, and can feel the rough yet soft texture of each dreadlock. They are golden brown with flecks of sun kissed bright gold. I love his hair, its so cool, and makes me smile. But I'm still cold and my teeth begin to chatter. My nose feels like an iceblock. The Cedarwood aroma fills my senses and I continue to massage it into the skin of his scalp.

Then my innerself begins to speak to his. A blooming of real Love, of complete acknowledgment, of...acceptance in Joy of being together. For a flicker of a moment, the human background intervenes and shows a danger message. 'don't get too close, that's when people hurt each other'. but it is now disregarded. Trust in my cellular knowledge is stronger. I know the inner whirrings of my electrons' language and mine are speaking to his, and his to mine. Language spoken out loud is not necessary, in fact, with us it seems it would break the continuity of comprehending who we are to each other.

I am drawn into the space made with his arms, as he sits in front of the fire. The blood warmth of his skin through the cloth of his shirt melts into my cold body, warming and soothing and comforting. I feel like I am glowing with heat and light and love. My back against his chest and his head beside mine, his chin on my shoulder, lips on my cheek. The world is perfect at daybreak. Our fire is growing and the heat from it is warming our legs. Upward there is a blushing sky speaking of rain that day and the birds are quiet.

We haven't spoken a word yet so much has been communicated.

Spirit Rescues

I've been dreaming up a storm since the Eclipse. MonDieu! The night of the flooding in Grantham I was 'hooned' into a vision. I had been deliberately not meditating because of all the calling out that was happening. I'd overwhelmed, so needed to step back and sort out home. Just on the edge of sleep someone swooped in and took me flying.

I do know I felt slightly irritated, adventurous, and curious as to why they'd done this kind of thing, coming in and extracting me uninvited. There was Purpose in this, but I didn't feel confident I was up to it. I relaxed, trusted in them, and went into the vision.

Taken to a highpoint in the sky overlooking the flooded landscape at the edge of sunset. The light peeping through a break of cloud on the horizon I saw the world as islands in water. Glinting light. Muddy colours and green everywhere. I saw rainbow shapes zooming up, turning, surveying and then swooping down quickly to the water. The savage rushing shown to me, but I know I wasn't near it, I was up high and safe. What where these rainbows doing? I looked and looked. One of them looked back to me, eyes met, and then I was 'on board' getting the 'birds-eye-view'. Down swiftly to the torrent, branches, trees, mud, things, and then the body. Broken and limp, caught in debris. Then, Pink and Violet 'fuzz' floating. I look down and see it caught in rainbow arms, or arm like shapes, as we soared higher and higher above it all.

Then the emotion. Then the feeling of utter exhaustion, utter depleted human energy, utter confusion. Rainbow shapes soothing the Pink and Violet fuzzy things. A retreat into slumber for it. A relaxing into the next journey.

I was being shown a Spirit Rescue.

So grateful. So overwhelmed with gratitude for being shown this thing that had been on my Mind and in my Heart. "who looks after the babies and the ones who aren't aware when they die? who shows them the way on?"

They are looked after. They are held in the arms of Angels and moved forward towards their New.

Levitation and talking to animals

Had another dream involving levitation last night again. And it was connected to old tribal ways and speaking to the spirit of animals telepathically. It was about getting used to trusting in a talent that not everyone has, and reveling in the 'wow' of being able to do stuff other people can't do yet. (as opposed to feeling 'guilty' or 'superior')  :)

I'd 'try' to float and it wouldn't work, but if I just kind of jumped up and 'sat' into the air, it was as if I was sitting on an 'air chair' and it floated me about all over the place. We (me and the tribal dudes I was with..they were kind of Moari and American Indian mixtures) levitated a kangaroo, a big grand daddy kangaroo, and the tribal shaman dude and the old woman of the tribe were showing me how to connect to the kangaroo's spirit and assure it that it was ok, and we would take care of it. Very interesting.

This is the kind of landscape we were in...its from Sedona, Arizona, USA.

Then I jumped on my 'air chair' and scooted around, enjoying the sensations.

I don't remember much more about it, but the whole levitation vibe is way wonderful :)

Magic Earth

Magic is something that gets a bit of a flippant response or a fearful response, but I've never had a connection to it like either of those.
Magic to me is about the natural connections we see all the time, and we usually take for granted.
The beauty of plant cells replicating, using the sun and water to just increase in mass...its amazing to me.
The chemistry, physics, biology and more contained in this one representation of Magic is astounding. :) Science is not a way of debunking Magic, but rather a way of helping us understand HOW things are working, and why they've astounded us in the first place. The human body is just as magical. We've got all that Psychology going on too, and the etheric energy body is only now being 'studied' by science, because, well, its just so damn interesting!

I think mainstream science will catch up with the pioneers in time. As usual. As always. Something radical is not always looked upon favourably, but then, years later we look back and give those low whistles, and the sage-like shakes of the head and utterances like 'if only we'd taken more notice of what they knew back then...'

I hope that as a world we can learn to future think enough to take notice of the radical pioneers of 'science' that are working and establishing NOW, and acknowledge the Magic they are explaining to us.

"Daddy's afraid of the lightening behind your eyes"

Had another dream.

This one was about a little girl child, who was my child, and we were laying down on the grass beside a road, like the footpath grass edge with an old telegraph pole near to where we were. Thing was, we were near a road in a suburb like Holland Park, so even in my dream, the dreamer me was sort of nervous about being so close to a road with a little child. She would have been about two, and had that light blonde curly hair that toddlers have. Very adorable.

As we were laying down, twiddling toes, enjoying sunshine, looking at clover flowers and dandelion heads, she looks up at my face. We are very close, and she bends her face in towards my face, so we are nose to nose. I smile back at her, and then she comes out with, "you know, you have lightening behind your eyes"

I say 'hmmmm? yes?....I know. I do"

Then she says, "it looks like bursting fireworks"

"really?, are you afraid of it?"

She just stares back at me without expression, just watching me.

I say, "you don't have to be afraid of it... it's just energy inside me, like Reiki energy"

Then she says with her head down, eyes examining a clover bud, "Daddy is afraid of the lightening behind your eyes...." she looks back up at my face for a reaction.

"noooo...Daddy knows what it is too. its alright, Daddy's not afraid of Mummy"

And then we keep on chatting and I swing her up so she is sitting on my shoulders, and we begin to very slowly plod up the steep hill on the footpath. One foot very slowly after another....I assume we are on our way home.

Any time spent with children alone is like this. Its magical and singular and solitary and sacred. They just effortlessly bring out the best of Life.

and now the bruising fades

This is the picture of 'Love' water...

Been a bit of a week since I wrote that post.

Had a migraine. Got the bruised brain feeling. All crap, all for a reason.

Got some sad news and cried.

Worked through it. All crap, all for a reason, whatever...

Had some lovely hugs from my Angel though. Really felt the cuddles you know?

Red Moon Eclipse Magic

During the week we had a full eclipse of the Moon and it turned a beautifully sacred shade of red, obtained a very overt 'spherical' appeal, and just made me feel queasy, but nice queasy....or that could have been a protein overload and sugar low due to the pregnancy....

however...

the real thing is that it produced a lot of 'aligning' energy.

Things just 'lined up' for a lot of people. (see Mystic Medusa's comments page here)

My own experience was quite groovy too.

I named my consultancy Holistic Therapy Connections with the intention that one day I might be able to run a boutique kind of advertising for practitioners of natural, traditional or alternative therapies, who were, like me, combining subtle therapies to produce long term health and progression. During the week prior to the eclipse I spoke with one of my sisters again about this concept and how I'd love to attract some interested people to advertise in the MiniZine now that I feel it has matured into a 'good enough' e-publication to access people who are specifically interested in this kind of healing.

The night of the eclipse I get a phonecall out of the blue from a lady in Victoria looking to obtain some advertising for her husband who is a holistic healer and will be running some workshops up here soon. And yes, could they pay me for an advertisement in the MiniZine?

Why yes, of course you may. :)

Then my teacher sends out her email regarding the 12 month sabbatical she is taking next year to write her book, and directs her entire mailing list (3000+ worldwide) to sign up for my MiniZine so that they can get 'more in-depth Flying Stars knowledge than I myself have ever gone into'. Well yay Carole. I've been a busy girl since. It also is just beautiful to have this boost to my mailing list so effortlessly. Effortless progression. Love it love it love it.

I love the Universe and the way it all works. So very cool baby.

And, I've made a gem essence using a gorgeous Elestial Quartz that had grown on a matrix of natural Citrine, and added a little Black Tourmaline as well. Matured over 5 nights of the Full Moon (2 nights before the Full and 2 nights after...) with the Mother Elixir made with Vodka to promote that clear clear clear pearly Moon energy. It just felt right...and it will be able to get used in room sprays as vibrational 'lifter, clearer, and nourisher' as it won't have the smell of Brandy, which is usually what the essences are made on.

It's currently being supercharged by a hexagonal matrix of Clear Quartz points, Reiki'd often, and sent some lovely healing, 'full-of-gratitude' kind of thoughts all the time too. It is so loved. :)

Free 3 card reading, I love it

http://www.salemtarot.com
The Salem Witches' guide to Tarot with free online Tarot readings, Tarot decks, Tarot postcards, Tarot card history, and live Tarot readers

At times I can be a guidance junkie. At other times, I coast. :) it's all good, I'm moving in and through phases. Undulating is a word that has been circling for a while now. I'm 'undulating' through life. Nice. :)

"I attract Large Spontaneous Windfalls of money in Perfect Ways"

That has been in my head for what seems like months now. I had a lovely experience with it a few weeks ago when I noticed that the person who had rang me to say they couldn't get to their appointment, and so asked me to give their appointment time to their mother and then booked another time, and then bought the gift voucher etc...

well,

I looked at my diary and noticed that I had written this woman's address in a page that was a week 'behind', basically the wrong page. BUT. where I had written her details in was where I had also written 'I attract spontaneous windfalls of money" :) he he he...I love it.

Connections are never coincidences....

Alright already with the abundance and success!

SHeesh! ask for a little help and get bloody inundated!

:))

but I LOVE it. I LOVE my job.

Driving home from a consultation in the middle of the day, birds singing, sun shining, my bag full of charts to interpret and floorplans to ponder. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. Bliss.

Today, I had an appointment to give a Reiki treatment. The lady rings me up two hours beforehand and says she can't make it. :( but! :) she then asks me to go to her place anyway, as arranged, and give the treatment to her mother in law. Cool.

Then she arranges another appointment for her next week.

Then she asks if I do Gift Vouchers.

(why yes, in fact I DO............)

So from going down to a zero, I come up to a total income three times what I was expecting. Not bad at all...

and to top off the day, I have an enquiry for another consultation.

Believe me. It's all good.

"I am so supremely grateful for the Divine Synchronicity expressing itself in my Beautiful Life"

my life is beautiful........

I've had an up and down time of it lately, but life is so good still. I have so many things I am grateful for, and the clouds have been looking particularly puffy and luminescent lately.

It's all good.

I saw the moon on Wednesday night and it was hanging just below the evening star. The sky was clouded with smoke haze and gave the moon a different glow, like a kind of bronze-like sheen, below the brilliant white beaming evening star. It looked like a necklace pendant. Just stunning against the sunset sky with the irridescent blue fading into the smokey orange near the horizon. Am I being descriptive enough? This was just so blooming lovely. Equinox first cresent. Nyce.

Charlotte lost her first front top tooth today. We had several doses of Rescue Remedy with Mimulus, and then more talking, a few tears (I'm ok now) and then she had a cry too "because sometimes, *big breath in* I just need to have a cry Muuuuuuuuum", and then she just gave me a running commentary on it's removal as I had to sit outside the ensuite on the bed while she pulled it out. All in all it took about 40 minutes, which is about on par with the last tooth removal. I'm just happier that this one came out in the afternoon and not at 10pm.

Geez I was tired the last time.

I gave myself a big pat for being so patient and kind and not giving up and sending her to bed so she could just suck it out in her sleep............

I also swam with fish today in the tidal pool at Biggera Waters on the Gold Coast. Not much that can't be fixed by a dip with fishies. I feel sunkissed. Invigorated with the saltiness of the sea, and generally very bloody nice.

The Music of Cubes

Part of my brain spider is the interest one leg has in Sacred Geometry.
I was looking at the study of Cymatics, the way sound waves produce physical pattern, and was intrigued to find out that the only Hebrew and Sanskrit languages actually produce the symbol for their vowel sounds when put through the technique for producing physical representations of sound waves. Totally cool.
So anyway, back to brain spider and research as one does.... and I come across a link that is about the whole 'Da Vinci Code' phenomena and I nearly just clicked away again but for a small little thing that caught my eye. The Rosslyn Chapel and a sacred geometry link due to the actual architecture of the place. That actually caught my eye, the link between the architecture and sound, via the study of Cymatics that I'd just been researching.

Here's the link to listen to the music 'of the architecture' inside the Rosslyn Chapel. It's very lovely. Close your eyes and you will fly.

Lots of Love from Chinut

http://www.crystalinks.com/music_cubes.html

Been and Gone

That's sort of like stating the names of my two best friends. Oddly enough, I like things to end. It gives me a sense that something has happened.

Recently we had a situation where the planets were all 'moving' forward at the same time for a whole seventeen days. I thought of the energy in the cosmos that would be around at such a time, and immediately I got a sense of 'progression'. (d'uh) I used this time period to really focus on what I wanted to achieve in the future, what I wanted to release from the past etc., and it was a very positive and cathartic thing to do.

I did a collage of all my desires, wants, and wishes etc. I was looking at it today with resignation that it represents more work to be done. I don't mind at all.....but it was like looking at photos from a great holiday and realising that it will take another year of saving to repeat the performance and feel that way again.
Resigned yet hopefull.

+ perhaps its this waning moon. I feel the tide going out and don't know if the feeling comes from a kind of relief that there is a 'low tide' to the energy, or, if I'm kind of sad about all the little fishies swimming away......

...one more time with feeling....:)

Prayer Wheel

'Om Mani Padme Hum'

can be translated as, 'out of the deepest mud grows the most beautiful lotus'

Many Blessings to you all.

Hi! I'm here!

Putting up the Green Man on my garden wall was like a milestone for me. I felt a sense of welcoming myself into this place a little more, of inviting in those things that are part of ME a little more, and of making sure the other things that are already here can say hello to the old man and be assured I'm a friend.
He's up there, grinning de-pupiled eyes and leafy hair. Love him.
I conversed with the spirits of the trees over to the West the other day. They swayed a message of anticipation, of a birth to come and of making sure I stop and gather up some goodness. Being root Beings, I guess they know all about the need to exist in one space to nourish, yet be able to stretch all the way to places only a few ever reach. And I must admit I have been running around a bit in my head and in my life. I have been missing the stopping and soaking up. And I haven't been feeling my Self very much in the last week or so.
Not suprisingly all this led to a major love-in with my Vetiver Oil. I annointed my big dining table and have been rubbing it into my wrists and the soles of my feet all the damn time! So blissed out and grounded.

nyoo vyoo

Ok so the last picture didn't work out. I've loaded another. It is the heiroglyph for 'rejoice, exalt!' etc. I thought it appropriate to lift my spirits. (there's so many of them)

I have been working hard giving suggestions to fix other people's woes, and it left me somewhat 'flat'. Hard to believe if you've seen my profile physically, but yes, 'flat'. Deflated. Un-pumped. 'pfft!'. I still have dark rings under my eyes.

So today, I was decanting this gem elixir I've made to use as a base for the flower essences, and I thought, " damn! I need some of this mojo!!", so I swigged the rest of it down the hatch, and burped. All is well. :)

Rejoice! Exalt! etc etc etc.... in your own time....