Cathartic Revelations...and other waking nightmares

I've been undergoing a detox for about four days now.
It's been prempted by some yucky feelings. Bit of self-loathing going on and a bit of soul-mining, which can always be a little painful. I consider this when I look at an open-cut mining operation and think 'surely this hurts Mumma Earth?'. Just laying bare the layers and exposing them to the elements...things are going to get blown away as dust and detritus...obviously.

This morning after a relatively normal night of sleep-wake-sleep-shuffle-sleep and then the pitch *down* into the subconscious, I found myself having the most purgative experience.

I was in a kind of meeting place, where my children were 'off' with someone else, or a group of kids doing some activity. It felt like a municipal building...like a library with a 'kids play room' or 'facility for learning activities' (or other such inane name for and inside learning place). The decor was dark, royal blue carpet, 'panels' for walls and that aluminium stripping on the connections. Doors with glass inclusions so no-one can do anything without being watched...that kind of place.

I was very, very sad. Not the sort of depression that is from dysfunction or trauma, but a deep apathy, a soul-wrenching ache and a longing to be free of it. I wasn't usually like this, I was angry at this moment.
A lady walked up to me and said "Well, she's like this because you never TAKE her to the Yeronga centre, and she never gets to be with....", she'd kept talking but I'd just put my hands over my ears and began to weep while walking swiftly away. (Yeronga is a suburb in Brisbane where there are colleges and schools, and maybe I've associated this with 'corrective learning')

Then *zip*, and I am in a circle group setting. Other parents are lighting a pizza topped with oil and making the flame go around on top of it to the delight of the kids and adults. All this frivolity and 'learning' about flammability...chemical reactions...oooh the technology... yet I am sitting in the corner so deflated. I am a person who has no air. I am a mother without her children around her. I can't see them. I can't feel them. I can't even sense where they are. My eyes weep tears and I have no control over it. I can't smile I can't even muster a smile or a mask. I am laid bare. Open to the elements around me.

My gaze travels around the group and I meet some concerned eyes, and one woman with dark hair and the sort of face you meet in counselling sessions grabs my focus. She is full of empathy and so worried. The emotion scares the hell out of me but I don't even flinch. I move my gaze onwards and then fall back onto a pillow, weeping from my gut, wrenched out sobs that eventually wake me up.

Oh god, the utter emptiness I felt when I woke.
Near to tears for real and wondering who that sad woman was.
I sense my past and realise I've let a lot of fear go.
I used to be depressed. Clinically depressed. I used to wear a mask and it damaged me.
I used to be that poor poor woman, and she knew what you were thinking of her.

I breathe deeply and pull up the covers. Across the room my little girl shuffles and sighs. I hear my baby boy in the next room wake his Daddy up with a cranky demand and then hear the patter of feet up the hallway.
"MUM! Is morning NOW! MUM! IS MORNING now!" he says, and then snuggles in before saying, "Mummm, get out mine bed! my turn in 'ere".

Smiling, I shift myself out of his bed, and begin the day. Life is good, even if you're woken up in this manner.

Just gonna leave it all up to Heaven

Patterns in Life reoccurring...

we get financially 'ok', feel good, start to get those restless feet.
move house. usually to somewhere we deep down know we can't afford.
financially fuq up to a massive degree.
usually there is a new baby in the mix somewhere ready to be born or just arrived.
therefore sleep dep is prevalent.
therefore my head doesn't f ing work properly.

is this all Perception skewed or am I really having yet another 'pattern cycle' occurrence?

damn it...

Surely we've got enough 'universal brownie points' to qualify for even a moderate win on the Lotto to pull us out of the crap this time? yes?

Hmmm?

So, gonna leave it all up to Heaven, and let the Angels take care of it all in Perfect Ways.

When I'm in these moments of panicked reflection, I remember that it makes me not take notice of all those things that ARE really important...like how fast and cute Wil is, how his blonde curls weren't ever going to last forever, and how much I appreciate loving them for as long as they lasted :)

Pelican Totems

Last night I dreamed of ancient Pelicans, drifting, soaring and manoevering as a group or flock in the cloudy sky. Their synchronicity mesmerized me as did their prehistoric appearance, the 'rawness' of their newly developed physical form and the adeptness of their flight. So Beautiful.
The dream had no soundtrack, all was silence and movement.

You'll just have to imagine this one in a cloudy sky... ;]

I find the energy of Pelican to be very 'familiar' to me. They are communal creatures, using formation flying to conserve each other's energy, hunting together to improve success, and they sense danger easily. Evidence of Pelican colonies goes back some 60million years and shows that they have the ability to sense change and move towards better and more beneficial locations. Apparently if you dream of Pelican it can mean you are in, or about to enter into, a fortuitous friendship or partnership with a person, or more likely several people :) Nice eh? :)

Sweet Dreams
xxx

Oooh sleek new posting capabilities on Blogger...noice ;)

Well not much has been going on, just everything. I'm pregnant with fourth child, wrigglin and a wigglin away happily. We're moving house in a few weeks time to the Gold Coast and we are currently in the 'clean-up, do-we-really-need-this?, why-did-we-keep-so-much-shyte?' phase. Its cathartic and cleansing...

The kids have all had a bout of Spring cleansing as well, each being ill for a few days in turn over the space of the last three weeks or so. Considerate of them not to all get sick at once. I've figured out that Wil doesn't cough when he stands on his head. Makes for interesting career choices...but I'm sure he'll come good once he's got the nerves in check. Charlotte is a master craftsperson now, knocking out one or more amazing things per week, and Angelina has hit the phase of 'complete-meltdowns', which we are currently moving through with breathing techniques and lots of 'activities'. SEEMS to be working when I have the energy to keep at it.

Been busy with the different friends and outings through the natural learning groups we attend, and while its so so so nourishing to make connections like this, its also a form of socialising which I need more than the children sometimes. :) But they have a 'group of friends' now, and I cherish that, even if it does take a lot of Time out of the week and keeps me from seeing my own family sometimes, the children feel the time with family is all the more precious and looked forward to as much as time with their mates. Its a win-win situation as they say.


More soon when we get photos of the new house :)

Sparkly Things
Nette
xx

Are we 'living online' a little too much?

I was considering the other day that my journalling has been quite lacking in the last couple of years. Obviously, new baby did have something to do with that, but I pushed aside the responsibility of the monthly newsletter to provide me with more time to create, be with the children, home-educate, etc...and then,...where is this life being recorded?
Just to prove that Facebook CAN suck the creativity out of you before you notice where its gone....these are a collection of some of my posts on Facebook over the last couple of months only....it was eye-opening for me to see the kind of 'affirmation gold' and snippets of life I wasn't journalling anymore.


Gratitude: When I feel crappy, weak or irritated it makes me think of when I'm happy, strong and calm :) And I think to myself, "I won't always feel this crappy,...soon I feel good again", and instantly I'm looking forward to feeling great.

Om is Divine Connection... :)


There is sincerely so much to be grateful for...I wonder why I didn't do this earlier :) perhaps I was stuck in the 'observation deck' of my ivory tower ;))

What crazy and amazing thing have you got planned for me today world? :)


Ice cold air
Nips at my toes
like small fish


Sparkly lights,
fall on my eyes,
like Blessings.

Mind Yoga for today: Immerse yourself in memories of what you daydreamed as a child. Child-Mind gifts :}

William has been writing and trying to spell and do his letters nicely...overheard this in the backseat today from Wil to Charlie, "Hey Charlie? see that 'S' I just did?? yeah, nice isn't it...its a really good 'S' hey..." Makes me think of 'Strongbad'...I think they are watching too much YouTube... ;]

"I am Abundant with Knowledge and Solutions"

"Everything I no longer need makes its way easily out of my Life, in Perfect Ways"

"I have all the Time to do anything I want to"

"I think therefore I draw"

 All my art is an expression of something within, and a reflection of it too...

Listening to Rob take care of Angelina tonight and thought, 'Here's one of the few things you never thought you'd hear yourself say, ... until you have a baby'. "Just sit there and finish quietly so I can wipe your bum" Parenthood GOLD...

"My body always knows what's best for me right now."

Just read David Wolfe's post and was thinking 'man, this dude is nearly as busy as I am!' :)) and I'm still motoring on on a Saturday afternoon!! woohoo, life rolls and rocks and wobbles and rights... ;D

Swollen with the realisation of Bliss...what a good place for my Mind to reside at.

Barefoot, by the seaside, virtually ALL day. Fricken fantastique!

Summer and AJ were bickering yesterday and Nicholas calmly said to them "be peace...be in harmony"....he told me later that he got that expression from Wil. Nicholas has obviously picked up on Wil's harmony too as he has been calmer since we last saw you. (amazing!)

Wil put a Pirate (temporary) treasure chest tattoo on Angelina's bum today....what will they get up to when they're older???!

Wil just wrote a whole letter to his new friend, without prompting, without supervision, and it just looks great :) He put it in the bottle he found at the beach yesterday and called it his 'message in a bottle', ("you know Mum?..like the song?", "yeah, I know the song Wil..thanks")

"I now choose to embrace Beautiful Change and invite New Experiences into my Life in Perfect Ways"

"When Honesty is shared, it blooms profoundly, encompassing all of those who wish to embrace it."
...because we're all here with this thing called reality trying to bend it to our perspective. Sometimes we bend so hard it flips back up in our faces with a resounding *smack!*

'The world turns, and groans, and stretches, shaking the land and the sea, as it has always done as it always will be. That we exist here on this planet, on its orbit in this position from the Sun, is a feat of immense Perfection. Peace to the Beings moving to another place, another space, and compassion to those in the unknowing, in grief and feeling Loss'

"Our Perception of any space alters the events that occur within it. Because of this the way we create our spaces; and for us in this reality, our immediate living spaces and environment, has a huge impact upon our health, wealth and happiness"

"If I am here now, it is because I am fulfilling and infinite plan of Being. Within this Life I can be immensely Powerful, Compassionate and completely in control of my Emotions and Actions. I can do whatever I want and have whatever I want. It is all here to be gifted towards my Life. I am Abundance. I am Perfection. I am the Perfect Me." notes, 7.3.2011

Dragonfly Wings, Moss, Green, Mist, Old Bark, Lichen, pale sunlight and a pervading sense of Quiet...

... just sitting back, allowing things to unfold, as they do...

* We are Infinitely Powerful *




Jannette Tibbs ‎"The feeling of being hurried is not usually the result of living a full life and having no time. It is on the contrary born of a vague fear that we are wasting our life. When we do not do the one thing we ought to do, we have no time for anything else -- we are the busiest people in the world." -Eric Hoffer, philosopher and author (1902-1983)

 

 

Why Facebook Sucks...

Well, it kinda DOES!

I just watched a powerful, ... seemingly innocuous, film today about a mother recording each day of her child's life via photographs. It was inspired by her own sister's project to be grateful for *something* for a whole year, and record it. That project is now to become a documentary called simply '365 Grateful'. You should probably check it out...its inspiring of course.

The film of snapshots is on Gregarious Peach blogsite (you know how to search...go surf) and it is poignant, simple, honest and the accompanying post is just gold. Gold. In her blogpost she describes how *life* is with young babies, with a head full of ideas, and little Beings asking for attention. She says quite pointedly that she gets angry at her children for the stupid things like interrupting her internet surfing waste time, and not being able to progress thoughts and ideas into any sort of fruition, and that just really struck home for me. I wept.

My life may seem like a glorious non-stop honouring of 'the child' and creativity, freedom and a sort of radicalisation of life in comparison to how other people are living it, and to an extent, yes, it is. Yet am I being honest about my life to Me? Am I understanding that *the dream* and the reality are two separate entities? Because to be honest, they sometimes combine, which makes coming out of *the dream* always a jarring and unpleasant experience. One moment I'm floating on a harmony cloud, children happy, contented, animated, loving, sharing, collective,... and then 'splat'...face down in poo! Can I choose to make *the dream* my reality and just stay there for the most part? occasionally popping into reality to pay the rent and a few utilities, travel some highway and fulfill a certain set of obligations?

'Tree of Youth' Pencil on cartridge, 1990-1991, Jannette Tibbs

 There's a crack in the wall made with time and age,... go, climb through it...

That's my Dream ;}

Facebook can be a time waster, and I thought as much about blogging at first, but now I use it as an online journal, and that just makes it flow so much easier. My children and their experience of me as their mother, helper, teacher and student feels like the most important and rewarding thing I can do as a Being. I can't think of anything; no career, vocation or belief that would surpass my commitment to their happiness, and yet, when I've been searching, looking, reading, writing or 'networking', I've somehow convinced myself that they don't require my attention. It's utter bullshit.

Not like I'm having *me time* with a candleight soak in a Lavender Oil and Oatmeal bath...in which case I'd probably share it with Angelina Petal anyway....BUT, you know? the video of Gregarious Peach just slammed home how fleeting this time is with the children and how very very very very very very precious it IS. I've constructed a life with my children, home-educating, radical parenting, etc... to allow me to completely immerse myself in the life I wish for, and then I go and piss a good amount of it away trolling the 'net. How stupid can I act?

So stuff it all, I'm signing off. I think I may give it all in, this 'social networking', and just Live.
Ciao!
Love you!
Bye!
xxx
Mwah!!!

Remembering Places of Green

There's a dip in the road
on the way to my Grandmother's house
where the Willow tree bends its
long long leaves, on long long branches
down over the charcoal bitumen
Its trunk stuck deep into the creek bank mud
anchored well against the rush of
thunderstorm swellings
that spill over the road, making a river
the muddy wash and pebbles and stones
green fern, green algae, green leaves
in the dip in the road
on the way to my Grandmother's house.

We had two pine trees
out the front of my house
that had dark, black bark, rough and nubbly
it tore at my skin as I climbed
and my dress was far to good for climbing
but my bare feet gripped the trunk
and I could get up to the branches
by jumping up on the rocks
covered in lichen stains
where we'd catch green tree frogs
tiny ones, that skipped over my skin
onto my dress, to rest in my palm
then we'd scratch the bark off to let the
sap flow, and collect the amber gooey
to dry and use as treasure
from the pine trees
that were at the front of my house.

The rainforest was my favourite trip
because of the walk down the tracks
where I had to wear 'good shoes'
so they could get muddy
and then I could clean off
the rich red sludge

from the walk down the tracks
through the rainforest.

My tree was a 'leopard tree'
at the corner of the concrete slab
my Dad had layed years ago
next to the natural spring
at the back of our yard, near the fence
where I played with my brother's
cars and trucks and animals
making garages and houses in the
hollows of the tree roots
digging out the rich black and red soil
making roads with my spade
under my leopard tree
at the corner of the concrete slab.

The field that had clover patches with buzzing bees
and sweet smelling grass across the road
often threshed by the old man and
his loud, smelly tractor
where we'd make 'houses' of hay
not noticing that we'd scared
the black and brown snakes away
with our raucous playing,
racing the tricycle around,
"yahooing and carrying on" as
my parents used to say when
we came home from playing
on the field with clover patches and buzzing bees
and sweet smelling grass across the road.

Solar Eclipse Dreams - White Spider and Webs

Ok, so a few months ago during 2010, I had a succession of spider related dreams.

(I should be writing up a report for a client but w t h...I want to do this instead, seems like that kind of day where things that 'should be' done are going to get shoved to the back of the line!)

This dream was sort of short, and it was set in my current house, in my current bedroom, so it was quite trippy to wake up. In this dream I was waking up in my bedroom, so I had this sense of confusion and displacement in Time when I actually did wake up 'for real'.

I am sleeping fitfully, and envisioning spiders in my dream (inside my dream) which wake me up. As I sit up in bed finally, ... I've tossed and turned for a while beforehand, ... I brush my head with my hands and something light and feathery is felt on the back of my hand as I run it through my hair.

The morning light shows me this infinitely delicate open weave web, strung above my bed, all the way across the ceiling of my room. Its pearly bright white. Just brilliant. I'm inbetween freaking out about the spider that's made this and completely in awe of how beautiful it is. I get up slowly stroking the fine sticky weave, and move around to the door of the bedroom.

I see a white spider in the web, and its not so big at all, so I leave it, and watch its shiny back, like a crab's shell. It fascinates me. Then a caramel coloured spider moves out of the 'funnel' in the web, and this one starts to move towards me at the door of the room. I see myself squash it, but it doesn't die. Then I'm freeze framing back to the same point where I see it emerge from the funnel of the web that's oddly come down right next to the bed in the middle of the floor, and each time I get the choice to watch it, move, see where it goes,...or kill it. This repeats and repeats. Each option opening to me again and again.

I wake up (for real) and feel quite odd not to see my spider web festoon above the bed.
Angelina is wailing for attention (at times she wakes up noisily) and even so, I'm drawn to the spot on the other side of the bed where the caramel coloured spider was. Its not there, there is nothing here but my bedroom, and the sweaty skin of a turbulent night.

frost covered webs in my mother-in-laws garden...she sent me these before solstice 2010,    and I thought they were just beautiful :) This is about the look of the webs that were festooned above the bed, but the web there was all one big one, with a funnel coming down to the floor on one side of the bed...

I've been struggling with the presumption that money equals waste. That people with lots of money waste it on crappy things like champagne and clothes, silly parties for their children where they don't interact with them, its all just to impress other people. Wealth isn't that to me, but I'm equating wealthy life with money, and money with wealthy life. And so if I eschew a money filled life I subconsciously fulfill my own sense of integrity, in a very fuqd way. Subconscious sabotage of the Wealth manifestation. I kill that caramel coloured spider just because its not 'pure white', and I'm even slightly worried about integrity too.
Webs are significant and that they are so big is also significant. I feel like I  am in a constant state of creation, preparation, action and yet not completing things. It all looks beautiful, but its busy and time consuming. I want to get to the place where the spider finishes her web, sits back to catch a few flies to feast on, and mate with the next available male that wanders around. ;]

What are we, ... really.

I've come through an amazing few months of intense busyness.

On the face of it I've been plugging away, using my knowledge and insight, my talent and ability to produce 'work' that other people find valuable. This is all good. Below, inside, where the blood flows. synapses snap and the sparkles are hidden, there's been a lot going on.

Seems we're all trying to find out what we are here for, who we are, what we 'need to do', 'how to' get ahead, avoid this or that, get this or that, accomplish, succeed, survive, thrive. And some of us just want a day with a decent pot of tea and some grass to walk on.

Being an Aquarian I do love to source Knowledge and be the source for anyone else.
Being a Rat I love to accumulate and look after my family as I perceive 'family' to be. Rats are pretty sociable.
If I was to psycho analyse (oh heaven forbid) myself, with regard to what I know of these celestial associations, I may intimate that my need for information and the subsequent storing of it, 'hoarding' would be more correct, is directly related to the birth connections of the galaxy I am in.

Thinking more on that I'd expect my Mind to trip into the scientific aspects of 'life on earth' and reason that we are the only known conscious life form around these parts...and what is it about Earth that is special enough to hold us so lovingly in her arms?, so far in space, so cold 'outside' and yet here we are, warm in her embrace. "A powerful Force of Love is keeping us here" said Daniel Vitalis in his latest talk about Water and its significance on this planet, and its molecular make up that is present throughout 'space' as we know it. ("It's Life, Jim..." etc) He gave a good summary of the miracle of our existence, all associated with Water. It made me ponder the effort I put into 'the business', and the connections to quite desperate people that come from those associations.

And so it goes round. The swing from hoping fervently that life is not as futile as I feel it to be, to great euphoria and blissful contentment from just viewing a leaf outside. I think I'm feeling resonances from other people's disappointment, despondency, lack of direction and such. It doesn't feel like it comes from me...I don't 'like' that way of thinking, and it seems like my head is getting invaded with sentences and phrases of utter helplessness. I get angry and I rail at it. That kind of defeatest talk gets my blood going, makes my eyes water and my heart sore too. I have the guiltiest feeling of considerable elistism too. I despise a weakness, a perceived weakness, but, I despise it in myself just as fervently as I do in others. I guess that's where the compassion grows from. One day I hope it takes over.

I wrote in my diary today 'Do you act like the foods you eat' thinking I'll do a blogpost about factory food and processing etc for HTC..., but what I think I meant was, 'Do I resonate what I consume?'
Has this scryingfest of the last few months made me resonate a frequency of doubt and solution searching? is there a layer of fear in this kind of behaviour? do I even want to do it anymore??

Happy 2011,.. whoopee.
Looking forward to Clarity, Integrity, Release and Abundance in Beautiful Forms.
:)
Life's good really. Life's great actually. Beautiful children, connections to great people, loving family, stimulation, ascension :) and all the things that make a life 'go on'.

Lack of Sleep and The Life of Brian

Seems only strange chorus like messages come through at the right time, with this latest installment floating in after a very sleepless, hallucinating night of weird thoughts, dreams, nightmares and what-have-u...
Finally after a day of 'catching up' with health, and feeling somewhat downright odd, I get to have a warm shower, and *wow* all by myself after, *wow* having dinner made for me too!! Sacre Bleu an' all that. I haven't been ill for ages and this kind of 'glandy' 'flu-ish' feeling is really not not not welcome...I have babies to look after and 'things to do' and generally, I don't want to be ill, and and and...(you see where my thoughts were hey?)
So I'm in a little pit of despondency and self-pity, under a very warm shower, and in floats...

'When you're chewing on life's gristle, don't give up, just give a whistle!
and soon you'll see things turn - out - for - the - BEeeeeeeeeessssssssssttt....
And...
Always look on the briiiiiight side of life...*whistle-whistle, whistle whistle whistle whistle*
Always look on the briiiiiight side of life... (and so on etc)

oh Monty Python...you so rock
:)

Well, here I am.

I know I live too close to other houses, and other people, for my liking, but I am enjoying living here at this new house.

This morning I looked outside and I was able to see a beautiful big ironbark wrapped in a forest vine, shining in the dawn sunlight. Ahhh, it was so beautiful. And when I looked the other way out of my window I could see through the trees to a huge snowgum right inside the bushland near us. Its silvery bark shimmering. I walked outside to the backyard, barefeet onto squishy wet-with-dew grass, and soaked up some of Mumma's Earth vibes...very soothing, and looking up I saw the Moon,... with a little bit missing at the moment, but very prettily glowing out in the Northwest sky.

I get the feeling that if I stayed here I could get it altogether. I feel that it might just help me get the jigsaw done you know?

The other day I saw a Pheonix in the clouds at sunset (Southeastern sky, so its got to do with Growth and Perceived Wealths), and a few days before, another dragon this time in the Southern sky (strength and/or wisdom concerning Perceptions of Self etc)...Hummingbirds have been absent for a week or so...must have come through whatever that was. They were popping out all over the freakin place...

:)

Magic Earth

Magic is something that gets a bit of a flippant response or a fearful response, but I've never had a connection to it like either of those.
Magic to me is about the natural connections we see all the time, and we usually take for granted.
The beauty of plant cells replicating, using the sun and water to just increase in mass...its amazing to me.
The chemistry, physics, biology and more contained in this one representation of Magic is astounding. :) Science is not a way of debunking Magic, but rather a way of helping us understand HOW things are working, and why they've astounded us in the first place. The human body is just as magical. We've got all that Psychology going on too, and the etheric energy body is only now being 'studied' by science, because, well, its just so damn interesting!

I think mainstream science will catch up with the pioneers in time. As usual. As always. Something radical is not always looked upon favourably, but then, years later we look back and give those low whistles, and the sage-like shakes of the head and utterances like 'if only we'd taken more notice of what they knew back then...'

I hope that as a world we can learn to future think enough to take notice of the radical pioneers of 'science' that are working and establishing NOW, and acknowledge the Magic they are explaining to us.

"Daddy's afraid of the lightening behind your eyes"

Had another dream.

This one was about a little girl child, who was my child, and we were laying down on the grass beside a road, like the footpath grass edge with an old telegraph pole near to where we were. Thing was, we were near a road in a suburb like Holland Park, so even in my dream, the dreamer me was sort of nervous about being so close to a road with a little child. She would have been about two, and had that light blonde curly hair that toddlers have. Very adorable.

As we were laying down, twiddling toes, enjoying sunshine, looking at clover flowers and dandelion heads, she looks up at my face. We are very close, and she bends her face in towards my face, so we are nose to nose. I smile back at her, and then she comes out with, "you know, you have lightening behind your eyes"

I say 'hmmmm? yes?....I know. I do"

Then she says, "it looks like bursting fireworks"

"really?, are you afraid of it?"

She just stares back at me without expression, just watching me.

I say, "you don't have to be afraid of it... it's just energy inside me, like Reiki energy"

Then she says with her head down, eyes examining a clover bud, "Daddy is afraid of the lightening behind your eyes...." she looks back up at my face for a reaction.

"noooo...Daddy knows what it is too. its alright, Daddy's not afraid of Mummy"

And then we keep on chatting and I swing her up so she is sitting on my shoulders, and we begin to very slowly plod up the steep hill on the footpath. One foot very slowly after another....I assume we are on our way home.

Any time spent with children alone is like this. Its magical and singular and solitary and sacred. They just effortlessly bring out the best of Life.

Flying eels and caveman parenting

Another dream of rare quality...

This dream was kind of in two parts. One part dealt with this fantastic 'observational' system.
In the dream, there was this room, like a museum auditorium, where there had been constructed a 'prehistoric cave', with fossils and fake charcoal and everything. It even had 'observational windows' up high along one side, and one could imagine the wax worked 'cavemen' that had once stood around, glass eyes reflecting light, with their prominent brows and determined expressions. However, now, the cave was used for a behavioural experiment/exercise for men from the ages of say about 16 to over 30, and young children from toddler age to say 6 or 7. The exercise was to put say two or three young males in with the toddlers and watch them interact in the wonderland of clay, rocks, mud, sticks, bones and other glorious 'get dirty and hurt oneself' objects! The object of the exercise was that the young males' only requirement was that whatever behaviour was displayed, they were to be able to deter or avoid the children from hurting themselves, or others in the group. This was pretty much their only obligation, their only responsibility.

Beautifully, in the dream, the young males got so into the kid's games that they took their shirts off and got covered in clay and crap and completely forgot they were being observed. Grins were the same from adult or child. It was great! I think the Purpose of the exercise was to reconnect these males with their ability to 'parent', which is essentially the ability to play and direct and interact with children. The funniest part to me was that the 'mums' were able to watch all of this unobtrusively from a specially designed cafe behind one way glass. Fab. Capuccino and chaos, in a controlled environment.

The other part of the dream, or perhaps it was a later dream, or an earlier dream, ... (! hell, I don't know! I've been dreaming ALL the time lately) was to do with intensely blue eyes looking to find me while I waited at a bus stop, flying eels (uh huh, REALLY, and big eels too...multicoloured ones) with advertising banners, the suburb of Springwood, and treetops,...and the practice of cycling home and then dismounting to do a good long run whilst kicking a custom made 'puck' made of revolutionary rubber...
oh and a friend of mine from highschool was having a reunion, but he was either brain damaged or in extremely early stages of Alzhiemers and no one could really communicate with him, so it was odd. And it was the case where most other people were ambivalent about his condition or completely unaccepting of the reality of how different he was, and it was all very confusing....
So maybe this was the 'dream' that made no sense, because it was the one closest to when I needed to get out of bed and, of course, go to the loo.

Baby has been VERY active lately. And the little darling is getting the hiccups more than once a day now. I kind of shudder every 20 to 30 seconds for a minute or two. Odd.

drip drip drip

Me and Rob with little Charlotte - over eight years ago...

Today it started off raining. I think that I grew up with so much sunshine and blue sky that a day of rain is like,... exciting! but at the same time immensely soothing. My first thought was 'tea....now', and my second was 'the doona is really soft'. :) And then the pull to return to bed and just cuddle up with the blinds open so I could watch the swirling of the thick rain-laden clouds, from the cocoon of my bed. Ahhh..rain.

Somewhat 'womb oriented' thinking you may feel? I'd agree. This baby is giving off a fair bit of psychic energy, and I'm revelling in it. :)

Charlie is not feeling her best, so we are having a day at home. William is helping by bringing her drink of water to her....wherever she is,...to make sure she can get better and play. They are currently on the laptop playing the 'falling fruit' game on the Sali Mali website. (Welsh) They love it. And it is so nice to not be able to hear them playing. It means they're dreadfully 'into it' and concentrating. :))

Baby is due in 2 and a half weeks.
My mind does an amazing warpy thing everytime I conciously realise how close it is, and how soon I will be a Mother to three children. *blink blink* three children. Me! *raising eyebrows* *giving a low whistle under my breath* *shaking head softly* and smiling...

Strange Vitamin B induced vivid dream, number.....

no idea what number dream I'm up to actually.

I've been taking Vitamin B supplements as part of the pregnancy, and man, has my brain been having fun with it.

Last night I dreamt that Sinead O'Connor was not only a famous singer and musician, but she was also playing in town and available to do healings if you just rang her up. So of course, I ring her up and request a healing for my skin irritation, and she's all happy and sweet on the phone. In my dream we can see the split screen version of her on the phone to me and me on the phone to her. Of course.
I say something like, 'well I'd like to see you as soon as possible really....'
and she says, 'sure, what day suits you?'
and so I say, 'well Sunday would be great but I think you'd be busy on Sunday morning wouldn't you?' (remembering that she's like an ordained minister in some Christian sideline church, and might be marrying a couple or giving a sermon or something)
She replies that yes, it will have to be another day because Sunday she will be busy. She gives no details.
We end the conversation with smiles and 'see you soons' and other pleasantries.

I then go out to the train station, that is really weird because the overhead bridge is not 'overhead' but across the track. I assume this is just fine and that it tilts up and open like London Bridge does to let the trains come through. Then I see my train arrive and it's on the other platform, so I start to run over the bridge. It doesn't tilt up but the train gets through fine, and I get across fine. Ah the miracles of an unfettered mind.....
The train is pulling lots of carriages of large, hollow, plastic mouldings, and a couple of passenger carriages too. I alight onto one of the passenger ones, and realise that I'm travelling this all with the autistic boy from my daughter's school, except he's about 18 now in the dream and not autistic. He's just kind of blank and quiet.

And so the train begins to move. And I wake up and need to pee. As is the case now that I'm seven and a half months, and I always need to urinate.

and now the bruising fades

This is the picture of 'Love' water...

Been a bit of a week since I wrote that post.

Had a migraine. Got the bruised brain feeling. All crap, all for a reason.

Got some sad news and cried.

Worked through it. All crap, all for a reason, whatever...

Had some lovely hugs from my Angel though. Really felt the cuddles you know?

Life is Going On

Ah, it's been so long.
The last week or so has been a time of meeting deadlines, obligations, and completing tasks left too long in the 'got to get to that' brain file. Feels good to actually fulfill obligations, but even better to wake up without them.
I've re-edited the Bach Essences Cards....finally.
Did a consultation and report.
Managed to make my antenatal appointment, and visit my sister.
Today I remembered to get to a doctors appointment after getting Rob to the govt stationers to get his books for his new business being set up this week...phew. Then organised his prelim doc, paint for the office, letters for his sign, and come home to make 'phonecalls'. Aren't we just very busy and important....

One more time with just as much feeling

This photo just so deserves a second posting don't you think? :)

Ah huh.

' Sometimes a little dim...'


Ah, so now it all makes perfect sense.



The week or so of 'klutzville' that I encountered. Leaving the air conditioner on all day while I was out (entering the house and thinking out loud "gee, I wonder why it's so warm in here....?"), the bumps of elbows, hips, bum, ankles, toes, hands, boobs, you name it. The general feeling like I'm in a dream state. The complete denial of the possibility. The steady weight gain in water retention over the last few weeks. An absence of blood and aches. My boobs being swollen and feeling weird.



Yep. I am pregnant with my third baby. And considering that I don't have sex very often (long story) this is a miracle child, like the other two. There are correlations with their conceptions all over the place that are either too personal to write or just don't need to be written,...

yeah...

so yup! baby, on the way. obviously meant to be, so I'm just going with the flow, no resistance, because I don't feel the need to, AND, it would accomplish nothing anyway. Baby is Here. Baby is Now. "hello little pink bunch of cells! Mummy is waving!"



I think if this one is as small as William was, (6lb4oz) and a girl, I'll call her 'Petite'. :)