Cathartic Revelations...and other waking nightmares

I've been undergoing a detox for about four days now.
It's been prempted by some yucky feelings. Bit of self-loathing going on and a bit of soul-mining, which can always be a little painful. I consider this when I look at an open-cut mining operation and think 'surely this hurts Mumma Earth?'. Just laying bare the layers and exposing them to the elements...things are going to get blown away as dust and detritus...obviously.

This morning after a relatively normal night of sleep-wake-sleep-shuffle-sleep and then the pitch *down* into the subconscious, I found myself having the most purgative experience.

I was in a kind of meeting place, where my children were 'off' with someone else, or a group of kids doing some activity. It felt like a municipal building...like a library with a 'kids play room' or 'facility for learning activities' (or other such inane name for and inside learning place). The decor was dark, royal blue carpet, 'panels' for walls and that aluminium stripping on the connections. Doors with glass inclusions so no-one can do anything without being watched...that kind of place.

I was very, very sad. Not the sort of depression that is from dysfunction or trauma, but a deep apathy, a soul-wrenching ache and a longing to be free of it. I wasn't usually like this, I was angry at this moment.
A lady walked up to me and said "Well, she's like this because you never TAKE her to the Yeronga centre, and she never gets to be with....", she'd kept talking but I'd just put my hands over my ears and began to weep while walking swiftly away. (Yeronga is a suburb in Brisbane where there are colleges and schools, and maybe I've associated this with 'corrective learning')

Then *zip*, and I am in a circle group setting. Other parents are lighting a pizza topped with oil and making the flame go around on top of it to the delight of the kids and adults. All this frivolity and 'learning' about flammability...chemical reactions...oooh the technology... yet I am sitting in the corner so deflated. I am a person who has no air. I am a mother without her children around her. I can't see them. I can't feel them. I can't even sense where they are. My eyes weep tears and I have no control over it. I can't smile I can't even muster a smile or a mask. I am laid bare. Open to the elements around me.

My gaze travels around the group and I meet some concerned eyes, and one woman with dark hair and the sort of face you meet in counselling sessions grabs my focus. She is full of empathy and so worried. The emotion scares the hell out of me but I don't even flinch. I move my gaze onwards and then fall back onto a pillow, weeping from my gut, wrenched out sobs that eventually wake me up.

Oh god, the utter emptiness I felt when I woke.
Near to tears for real and wondering who that sad woman was.
I sense my past and realise I've let a lot of fear go.
I used to be depressed. Clinically depressed. I used to wear a mask and it damaged me.
I used to be that poor poor woman, and she knew what you were thinking of her.

I breathe deeply and pull up the covers. Across the room my little girl shuffles and sighs. I hear my baby boy in the next room wake his Daddy up with a cranky demand and then hear the patter of feet up the hallway.
"MUM! Is morning NOW! MUM! IS MORNING now!" he says, and then snuggles in before saying, "Mummm, get out mine bed! my turn in 'ere".

Smiling, I shift myself out of his bed, and begin the day. Life is good, even if you're woken up in this manner.

The New Reality

We had an eclipse yesterday, and it was a slightly odd day...amongst the mundanity, there were moments of 'ooooh...something's happening' happening. YKWIM? The dreams last night were immense. I think I had the most lucid ones early in the morning ... as usual.

First one I remember is flying like a helicopter, over the cerulean blue ocean and headland...onwards to a futuristic building, lots of glass and glass and glass, shiny shiny glass and metal structure with stone steps and paving. Manicured gardens and hedges, all 'nice' and 'tidy'. But massive, I'm talking on a BIG scale like an enormous hotel complex.
Once inside I was with a child who may or may not have been mine, and we were faced with getting to our room. Strangely, it seemed like this place was one huge 5 Star rated refugee camp, designed by those smart Scandis at IKEA. The travelator / escalator was intimidating, like the moving stairs at Hogwarts, you jumped on and then had to jump off into a selected 'drawer' which had railing on it to stop you falling out. Then the drawer would 'float' up to an area on the wall where a mechanism would pop open the panelling to reveal a kind of lift, then 'swoosh' in went the person on the drawer 'thing'...obiviously up to an apartment I expected, or knew.
I was getting a little vertigo just watching the people doing this then a couple of odd things occurred. One line up to get onto the drawer/lift thingy had people queuing with shopping trollies full of food, and the other line had people with small hand luggage. SO I realised I'd been standing in the wrong queue with my child...and moved. We ended up receiving help to get onto the travelator thing and then the dream ended as we were going inside the 'wall panel lift thing'. Blooomp. Stop. I expect that was because we'd 'made it' to wherever we were going ;)

The second dream was staged at my Gran's house, (I often dream of this house as I spent a lot of my childhood there, and now it isn't in the family anymore, and I don't physically go there, but I am often astral visiting it)...but it was different of course. For one thing there was an enormous stuffed stingray mounted on the wall that would have been above her stove, but in the dream it was a fireplace with mantle...and the enormous stuffed stingray... It gets odder. I tried to get rid of the stuffed stingray by squashing it all up and flushing it down the loo...but only succeeded in making my sister roll her eyes at me, and so I retrieved the stingray and re-mounted it on the wall above the fireplace. My brother and I were reminicing about the nice bedroom we used to sleep in when we visited our Gran, and I remember in the dream that my brother and I spoke quite easily with each other (which doesn't generally happen in real life).  If this is a New Reality, then it would be a confusing one ;]

I liked my first dream better. Much less frustrating. :) I always love a dream where I fly of course ;} And it is a much easier dream to interpret...
I love freedom and that was the flying part, out over a beautiful ocean. My life at the moment is constricting my sense of freedom but instead of feeling bad about the suburban way of life I've seen it as a comfortable and neccessary sanctuary at this time of my life. This is I think the symbolism of the neatly ordered refugee hotel complex where some of the structures and processes are intimidating but ultimately I am doing this 'thing' with many others and we are all making our way 'to somewhere' of our own.

Looking forward to maintaining a place for myself and my babies in this world, where there is peace and freedom and safety. In perspective, I have this now, already, so in effect I will enjoy furthering this towards more independance and ease of life...yeah, more cloudwatching, gardening and reading books :) That'll be 'the life'.

Happy dreaming xxx
Nette
 :)

Pelican Totems

Last night I dreamed of ancient Pelicans, drifting, soaring and manoevering as a group or flock in the cloudy sky. Their synchronicity mesmerized me as did their prehistoric appearance, the 'rawness' of their newly developed physical form and the adeptness of their flight. So Beautiful.
The dream had no soundtrack, all was silence and movement.

You'll just have to imagine this one in a cloudy sky... ;]

I find the energy of Pelican to be very 'familiar' to me. They are communal creatures, using formation flying to conserve each other's energy, hunting together to improve success, and they sense danger easily. Evidence of Pelican colonies goes back some 60million years and shows that they have the ability to sense change and move towards better and more beneficial locations. Apparently if you dream of Pelican it can mean you are in, or about to enter into, a fortuitous friendship or partnership with a person, or more likely several people :) Nice eh? :)

Sweet Dreams
xxx

Why Facebook Sucks...

Well, it kinda DOES!

I just watched a powerful, ... seemingly innocuous, film today about a mother recording each day of her child's life via photographs. It was inspired by her own sister's project to be grateful for *something* for a whole year, and record it. That project is now to become a documentary called simply '365 Grateful'. You should probably check it out...its inspiring of course.

The film of snapshots is on Gregarious Peach blogsite (you know how to search...go surf) and it is poignant, simple, honest and the accompanying post is just gold. Gold. In her blogpost she describes how *life* is with young babies, with a head full of ideas, and little Beings asking for attention. She says quite pointedly that she gets angry at her children for the stupid things like interrupting her internet surfing waste time, and not being able to progress thoughts and ideas into any sort of fruition, and that just really struck home for me. I wept.

My life may seem like a glorious non-stop honouring of 'the child' and creativity, freedom and a sort of radicalisation of life in comparison to how other people are living it, and to an extent, yes, it is. Yet am I being honest about my life to Me? Am I understanding that *the dream* and the reality are two separate entities? Because to be honest, they sometimes combine, which makes coming out of *the dream* always a jarring and unpleasant experience. One moment I'm floating on a harmony cloud, children happy, contented, animated, loving, sharing, collective,... and then 'splat'...face down in poo! Can I choose to make *the dream* my reality and just stay there for the most part? occasionally popping into reality to pay the rent and a few utilities, travel some highway and fulfill a certain set of obligations?

'Tree of Youth' Pencil on cartridge, 1990-1991, Jannette Tibbs

 There's a crack in the wall made with time and age,... go, climb through it...

That's my Dream ;}

Facebook can be a time waster, and I thought as much about blogging at first, but now I use it as an online journal, and that just makes it flow so much easier. My children and their experience of me as their mother, helper, teacher and student feels like the most important and rewarding thing I can do as a Being. I can't think of anything; no career, vocation or belief that would surpass my commitment to their happiness, and yet, when I've been searching, looking, reading, writing or 'networking', I've somehow convinced myself that they don't require my attention. It's utter bullshit.

Not like I'm having *me time* with a candleight soak in a Lavender Oil and Oatmeal bath...in which case I'd probably share it with Angelina Petal anyway....BUT, you know? the video of Gregarious Peach just slammed home how fleeting this time is with the children and how very very very very very very precious it IS. I've constructed a life with my children, home-educating, radical parenting, etc... to allow me to completely immerse myself in the life I wish for, and then I go and piss a good amount of it away trolling the 'net. How stupid can I act?

So stuff it all, I'm signing off. I think I may give it all in, this 'social networking', and just Live.
Ciao!
Love you!
Bye!
xxx
Mwah!!!

Cellular Communication

ah yes, it is possible of course.

Last night/early this morning, I lapsed into a dream about the long dreaded suntanned dude that was in the 'historical' dream of mine. This time I met him at the campfire, early in the morning, the cold was biting the skin and he was sitting on a log next to the firepit, prodding the embers to life. I sit beside him, my arms crossed in front of me, hands under my armpits, gathering all the warmth I can from my body. He acknowledges me without looking my way, I just sense the hello from his innerself to mine.

He asks me without words to rub Cedarwood oil into the dreads, and his scalp. I can tell he's been irritated by itches. I begin, and can feel the rough yet soft texture of each dreadlock. They are golden brown with flecks of sun kissed bright gold. I love his hair, its so cool, and makes me smile. But I'm still cold and my teeth begin to chatter. My nose feels like an iceblock. The Cedarwood aroma fills my senses and I continue to massage it into the skin of his scalp.

Then my innerself begins to speak to his. A blooming of real Love, of complete acknowledgment, of...acceptance in Joy of being together. For a flicker of a moment, the human background intervenes and shows a danger message. 'don't get too close, that's when people hurt each other'. but it is now disregarded. Trust in my cellular knowledge is stronger. I know the inner whirrings of my electrons' language and mine are speaking to his, and his to mine. Language spoken out loud is not necessary, in fact, with us it seems it would break the continuity of comprehending who we are to each other.

I am drawn into the space made with his arms, as he sits in front of the fire. The blood warmth of his skin through the cloth of his shirt melts into my cold body, warming and soothing and comforting. I feel like I am glowing with heat and light and love. My back against his chest and his head beside mine, his chin on my shoulder, lips on my cheek. The world is perfect at daybreak. Our fire is growing and the heat from it is warming our legs. Upward there is a blushing sky speaking of rain that day and the birds are quiet.

We haven't spoken a word yet so much has been communicated.

Spirit Rescues

I've been dreaming up a storm since the Eclipse. MonDieu! The night of the flooding in Grantham I was 'hooned' into a vision. I had been deliberately not meditating because of all the calling out that was happening. I'd overwhelmed, so needed to step back and sort out home. Just on the edge of sleep someone swooped in and took me flying.

I do know I felt slightly irritated, adventurous, and curious as to why they'd done this kind of thing, coming in and extracting me uninvited. There was Purpose in this, but I didn't feel confident I was up to it. I relaxed, trusted in them, and went into the vision.

Taken to a highpoint in the sky overlooking the flooded landscape at the edge of sunset. The light peeping through a break of cloud on the horizon I saw the world as islands in water. Glinting light. Muddy colours and green everywhere. I saw rainbow shapes zooming up, turning, surveying and then swooping down quickly to the water. The savage rushing shown to me, but I know I wasn't near it, I was up high and safe. What where these rainbows doing? I looked and looked. One of them looked back to me, eyes met, and then I was 'on board' getting the 'birds-eye-view'. Down swiftly to the torrent, branches, trees, mud, things, and then the body. Broken and limp, caught in debris. Then, Pink and Violet 'fuzz' floating. I look down and see it caught in rainbow arms, or arm like shapes, as we soared higher and higher above it all.

Then the emotion. Then the feeling of utter exhaustion, utter depleted human energy, utter confusion. Rainbow shapes soothing the Pink and Violet fuzzy things. A retreat into slumber for it. A relaxing into the next journey.

I was being shown a Spirit Rescue.

So grateful. So overwhelmed with gratitude for being shown this thing that had been on my Mind and in my Heart. "who looks after the babies and the ones who aren't aware when they die? who shows them the way on?"

They are looked after. They are held in the arms of Angels and moved forward towards their New.

Solar Eclipse Dreams - White Spider and Webs

Ok, so a few months ago during 2010, I had a succession of spider related dreams.

(I should be writing up a report for a client but w t h...I want to do this instead, seems like that kind of day where things that 'should be' done are going to get shoved to the back of the line!)

This dream was sort of short, and it was set in my current house, in my current bedroom, so it was quite trippy to wake up. In this dream I was waking up in my bedroom, so I had this sense of confusion and displacement in Time when I actually did wake up 'for real'.

I am sleeping fitfully, and envisioning spiders in my dream (inside my dream) which wake me up. As I sit up in bed finally, ... I've tossed and turned for a while beforehand, ... I brush my head with my hands and something light and feathery is felt on the back of my hand as I run it through my hair.

The morning light shows me this infinitely delicate open weave web, strung above my bed, all the way across the ceiling of my room. Its pearly bright white. Just brilliant. I'm inbetween freaking out about the spider that's made this and completely in awe of how beautiful it is. I get up slowly stroking the fine sticky weave, and move around to the door of the bedroom.

I see a white spider in the web, and its not so big at all, so I leave it, and watch its shiny back, like a crab's shell. It fascinates me. Then a caramel coloured spider moves out of the 'funnel' in the web, and this one starts to move towards me at the door of the room. I see myself squash it, but it doesn't die. Then I'm freeze framing back to the same point where I see it emerge from the funnel of the web that's oddly come down right next to the bed in the middle of the floor, and each time I get the choice to watch it, move, see where it goes,...or kill it. This repeats and repeats. Each option opening to me again and again.

I wake up (for real) and feel quite odd not to see my spider web festoon above the bed.
Angelina is wailing for attention (at times she wakes up noisily) and even so, I'm drawn to the spot on the other side of the bed where the caramel coloured spider was. Its not there, there is nothing here but my bedroom, and the sweaty skin of a turbulent night.

frost covered webs in my mother-in-laws garden...she sent me these before solstice 2010,    and I thought they were just beautiful :) This is about the look of the webs that were festooned above the bed, but the web there was all one big one, with a funnel coming down to the floor on one side of the bed...

I've been struggling with the presumption that money equals waste. That people with lots of money waste it on crappy things like champagne and clothes, silly parties for their children where they don't interact with them, its all just to impress other people. Wealth isn't that to me, but I'm equating wealthy life with money, and money with wealthy life. And so if I eschew a money filled life I subconsciously fulfill my own sense of integrity, in a very fuqd way. Subconscious sabotage of the Wealth manifestation. I kill that caramel coloured spider just because its not 'pure white', and I'm even slightly worried about integrity too.
Webs are significant and that they are so big is also significant. I feel like I  am in a constant state of creation, preparation, action and yet not completing things. It all looks beautiful, but its busy and time consuming. I want to get to the place where the spider finishes her web, sits back to catch a few flies to feast on, and mate with the next available male that wanders around. ;]

Solar Eclipse Dreams - Raggedy Hippy Guide

Have to write this down even though it doesn't seem to want to fade ...

In this dream I am in a country town in a time past, but it felt like somewhere just a bit further out from 'suburbia'. There were still lots of wooden houses, sheds and buildings that kind of 'homestead' like construction, and the people looked like they were 19th Century Australian immigrants. All homespun cotton and thick wool britches. The 'town' itself was tiny and quiet. Just a few streets with only one two storey building 'down the road' a bit. It was out of my sight but I knew it was there. The gum trees were still around. The land hand not been cleared, and the houses where slat shaks here and there, joined by dirt roads.

What clearly comes to mind is the texture of the roads. They are pathways about a two carts wide, and there are semi dried tracks all the way through them...as if it had rained hard a day or two ago, and the earth was drying out to a travelling ability for people and carts.

I meet up with some people and find they are friends. We chat, talk about travelling somewhere for something. The town is very quiet, these are the only people I see and they are standing under the awning of their shak. There is no-one in the street. As I turn to walk away I am for some unknown reason feeling like I need to get out of there quickly. Urgency begins to take over and I examine a white drawstring sack I've loaded up with stuff. Lolling that onto my back I trudge up the road and into the bush. The weather is hot and sunny, and I look forward to trees covering the road so I can get some shade, but as I walk the sun beats down on me, heating me, my skin seems to burn beneath my cotton shirt.

Raggedy Hippy Guide meets me there. He's kind of intensely perfect. His beard is short but his hair is long and caught up here and there with knots and ties. He's even got it shoved up under his hat which at first I think is like a Derby style, but when I get closer to him I see its a bashed up thing, torn and sun bleached. We greet each other, he lifts his hand to point at a coach on the road. Its full of beautiful dresses, chiffony things, with rouches and frills, rosettes and petticoats. Real girly stuf. The coach does not seem to have anyone about it. There are other things in there and we seem to put some of the smaller items in our bags.

The owners or protectors of the coach have been laying in wait, hiding, and then they pounce on us. We are chased and move up the road, through the bushland to a building. I think its an abandoned barn. We hide and time passes. We have moved on up the road to a small creek. My mind is asking why the trap was set. I can't understand it, but its not important anymore.

The creek place looks like a dip in the road near a park Mum and Dad used to take me to with the family when I was very little. The creek would often flood and we would be told not to go near it. We'd of course go down to have a look before coming back to the park to play cricket on the road strip. It was always a quiet park and we always had it to ourselves.

At the creek, Raggedy Hippy Guide washes and bathes in the water. I do too. We're so filthy and muddy, sweaty and hot, with red earth in all our clothes and in our hair, stuck into our pores, under our nails, in our ears. It takes ages to clean up. We work at our cleansing then we simply make love. This is my Guide for the rest of the journey I am told. He's with me, we're together now. That's it.

The blissful image of us lying naked on the creek bank, a bed of reeds underneath us and our washed clothes hung on plants and trees surrounding us. A fire crackles nearby and the sun is setting making a serene display of blue and orange. I think of how blue his eyes are, how nicely his dark dark hair goes with them, and this curly smile too. He sighs and lays back. And I fall asleep again, waking up in this life here now.

Levitation and talking to animals

Had another dream involving levitation last night again. And it was connected to old tribal ways and speaking to the spirit of animals telepathically. It was about getting used to trusting in a talent that not everyone has, and reveling in the 'wow' of being able to do stuff other people can't do yet. (as opposed to feeling 'guilty' or 'superior')  :)

I'd 'try' to float and it wouldn't work, but if I just kind of jumped up and 'sat' into the air, it was as if I was sitting on an 'air chair' and it floated me about all over the place. We (me and the tribal dudes I was with..they were kind of Moari and American Indian mixtures) levitated a kangaroo, a big grand daddy kangaroo, and the tribal shaman dude and the old woman of the tribe were showing me how to connect to the kangaroo's spirit and assure it that it was ok, and we would take care of it. Very interesting.

This is the kind of landscape we were in...its from Sedona, Arizona, USA.

Then I jumped on my 'air chair' and scooted around, enjoying the sensations.

I don't remember much more about it, but the whole levitation vibe is way wonderful :)

Ascension and Untapped Potential

On Thursday morning I woke up from a dream about 'ascending'.
I had the word 'Ascension' in my Mind over and over again during the morning after waking, and then 'untapped potential' began to repeat for a while...

The dream was about me constructing a house, down in a shallow valley, a forest dell kind of place. The people I was working for some 'corporate types' who were concerned about having a building that would stand up to some kind of 'super storm', and were pointing out 'this and that' and asking about specifications of building materials, and construction systems etc...I remember being somewhat bewildered about their exacerbated sense of concern for the 'safety' of this building. I pointed out its favourable location, the quality materials used, and the expertise of the people working for them. I notice a friend / person supporting me off to the left side, but they are not 'in focus'.

Then in a flash, I'm in the loungeroom of my parents house, which my Father built, and I'm giving my presentation speech reclining on a cushion on the loungeroom floor. All very professional. (ahem..!) I say something like "Look, my dad built this house and its been through three cyclones and hasn't even lost the roof. This part of the house was actually built as the garage and its still here..." So I feel I was trying to convey that the structure I build is worth its weight in value due partly to my genetic gift of construction...who knows. Dreams are great like that.

While this presentation is occurring, the light outside has gone 'funny'. The sky has gone silvery grey and is the clouds are literally a constant stream of flying cloud, like strata cumulus at great speed. So fast it looks like liquid cloud, which is kind of funny because it looks like silver and light. I think to myself, 'Oh, so this is 2012, alright...'
then...
WHOOOOMP! a huge blast of subsound hits and I see some people glowing, or more to the point, around them there is an outline of glowing light, and they are now hovering. I notice how green the trees are outside through the window, and strangely this is what I focus on ... not the hovering glowing people. I see the cloud sky, silver and shimmering and backlit with glowing light, streaming across the sky like messages flashing across a screen at great speed. The people who are hovering don't seem in pain, and thats a good thing. They look a little bewildered, taken off guard and 'lost'.

Then another WHOOOMP! and I really 'feel' it this time. Physically I feel it lift me up. I'm glowing now, I've got the outline of light, and the friend / guy I'm with in the dream is now in focus. He's concerned about me and he hovers over my way, arm outstretched, palm open, offering ... offering what? what could possibly help? I'm not scared, I'm not upset, I'm not panicking. What could I possibly DO that would change this amazing thing that's going on? Nothing. I float, I hover, I glow and slowly I start to ascend. A few other people are also ascending. Others are just floating and hovering about below, not moving upwards.

I look up to the streaming cloud message of silver and light and move upwards. I notice the guy / friend and I are holding hands. We have connected, but its neither good nor bad, it just is. I find I'm enjoying this sensation of floating and being weightless and directed. Something else has taken over and for once I'm not in charge of what's going to happen...to me or anyone else. That feels like.......being free for the first time in ages. Like a child.



Bubba woke me up seconds later (perhaps) demanding 'booooobeeeeee'. And I'm back in my life, obligated, loving, directing, assisting.

Detox Dreams = Nightmares

Ugh!
A night of restless tossing and turning, feeling awful and being really tired! Been completely detoxing off sugar and part of that now is alcohol. I like a little drink now and again, but the reality was a little drink every evening almost. It had to reduce, not only for our health but also for our wallet. Detox is good, I feel like I'm slimming down each and every cell with the release of glug from it, but, it does bring in a few residual toxic effects, mostly emotional and mental.

Morning at the beach a few years ago

Last night I was in a dream where I was a guest on a trip to a conference, but for some reason my two daughters were with me, and I'd accepted a lift from someone I suspect was a work colleague. She had a big car, a husband and two grown up kids, but her car/van thing was still big enough for all of us. So we went to the conference centre and nothing too much happened; there were displays and walking around themes, talking and speeches, presentations etc.
Nightmare begins when I go to walk out to their car and my colleague friend person starts to talk animatedly about going back as far as Maroochydore (a town up the coast about an hour or so from Brisbane) as she's been able to organise a visit for her family with a friend of theirs...and she's really completely not connecting totally with my expression of worry.
So I begin by saying something like, "So you'll take us back to Brisbane then, and drop us off?", to which she replies, "No, I thought you knew we were only offering a lift here, not back again"
I'm gobsmacked, thinking, 'seriously? are you going to seriously just leave us here', wherever 'here' was....that wasn't quite clear being a dream an all...I just felt very 'far away from home', and with Charlie and Angelina with me, I felt quite abandoned and vastly 'put out'.
Then the dream warps and I am searching for a loo, and clothes, and have had to leave the girls in the car with the other family while I search for my lost backpack/handbag thing, because for some reason I've lost it and its got my phone and my cards and my money in it of course, and I'll need all that to get back home with the girls. In desperation after searching every loo and corridor, reception desk and other places, I return to their car and ask if they can at least take the girls as far as Maroochydore and let them stay with the them while they visit friends, because I have no money or way of taking care of them without cash or a place to stay. My now 'not friend' huffs, and her two teenage kids kind of look sheepish because they can see their Mum is being a bitch...and the dad is saying he'll wait a bit longer but he'll have to get going soon.
I return to searching for my lost backpack bag and find lots of similar ones. I think of taking the cash out of them but don't do it. I leave them where I find them. Finally, after a lot of toing and froing, I sit down in a change room  and across from the bench I'm sitting on I see two people pulling my wallet apart and examining the cards, dibbing them out to their scraggy friends. It runs through my mind what would happen if I ask for it back and the running around etc that would ensue, so, I just walk over there and grab the wallet out of their hands and put my hand out and demand the cards back.
It works and I'm on my way to find transport to Maroochydore, because I know that they've left in the car, and also, Charlotte has now turned into Carmen, my sister, and she is taking care of Angelina, the baby. I have organised (in flashback) that if they have to leave before I get back that I'll meet them in Brisbane at the train station. Central Station right in town.
I trot to the train station in the town I'm in and get the next train to Brisbane. Strangely though I have an encounter with some slimey guys in the carpark of the station before I board the train. They're asking if I want to get a lift with them to Brisbane instead of going on the train. I say 'NO, I'm going on the train thanks', and this bloke offers the ride again,... all I have to do is blow his boss in the backseat and they'll do it for free. Eeeeuuuuk.
Creepy creepy people around in the world. I start to worry about Carmen and Angelina getting to town safely and me getting to them safely.
I kind of woke up here, all sweating and torn up. Decided to go back to sleep and make this dream work out well.
I get off the train in Brisbane and get the next one to Central Station, meeting Carmen on the platform and taking Angelina into my arms. I say "Right, lets get home fast" and Carmen says "no problems, I've already called Dad and he's coming in to get us already, he'll be here in a moment"
So we get home on the freeway in Dad's car.
phew.

Wot a bitch that lady was. I hope her friends were real pigs and made her holiday suk.

:)

Flying eels and caveman parenting

Another dream of rare quality...

This dream was kind of in two parts. One part dealt with this fantastic 'observational' system.
In the dream, there was this room, like a museum auditorium, where there had been constructed a 'prehistoric cave', with fossils and fake charcoal and everything. It even had 'observational windows' up high along one side, and one could imagine the wax worked 'cavemen' that had once stood around, glass eyes reflecting light, with their prominent brows and determined expressions. However, now, the cave was used for a behavioural experiment/exercise for men from the ages of say about 16 to over 30, and young children from toddler age to say 6 or 7. The exercise was to put say two or three young males in with the toddlers and watch them interact in the wonderland of clay, rocks, mud, sticks, bones and other glorious 'get dirty and hurt oneself' objects! The object of the exercise was that the young males' only requirement was that whatever behaviour was displayed, they were to be able to deter or avoid the children from hurting themselves, or others in the group. This was pretty much their only obligation, their only responsibility.

Beautifully, in the dream, the young males got so into the kid's games that they took their shirts off and got covered in clay and crap and completely forgot they were being observed. Grins were the same from adult or child. It was great! I think the Purpose of the exercise was to reconnect these males with their ability to 'parent', which is essentially the ability to play and direct and interact with children. The funniest part to me was that the 'mums' were able to watch all of this unobtrusively from a specially designed cafe behind one way glass. Fab. Capuccino and chaos, in a controlled environment.

The other part of the dream, or perhaps it was a later dream, or an earlier dream, ... (! hell, I don't know! I've been dreaming ALL the time lately) was to do with intensely blue eyes looking to find me while I waited at a bus stop, flying eels (uh huh, REALLY, and big eels too...multicoloured ones) with advertising banners, the suburb of Springwood, and treetops,...and the practice of cycling home and then dismounting to do a good long run whilst kicking a custom made 'puck' made of revolutionary rubber...
oh and a friend of mine from highschool was having a reunion, but he was either brain damaged or in extremely early stages of Alzhiemers and no one could really communicate with him, so it was odd. And it was the case where most other people were ambivalent about his condition or completely unaccepting of the reality of how different he was, and it was all very confusing....
So maybe this was the 'dream' that made no sense, because it was the one closest to when I needed to get out of bed and, of course, go to the loo.

Baby has been VERY active lately. And the little darling is getting the hiccups more than once a day now. I kind of shudder every 20 to 30 seconds for a minute or two. Odd.

Strange Vitamin B induced vivid dream, number.....

no idea what number dream I'm up to actually.

I've been taking Vitamin B supplements as part of the pregnancy, and man, has my brain been having fun with it.

Last night I dreamt that Sinead O'Connor was not only a famous singer and musician, but she was also playing in town and available to do healings if you just rang her up. So of course, I ring her up and request a healing for my skin irritation, and she's all happy and sweet on the phone. In my dream we can see the split screen version of her on the phone to me and me on the phone to her. Of course.
I say something like, 'well I'd like to see you as soon as possible really....'
and she says, 'sure, what day suits you?'
and so I say, 'well Sunday would be great but I think you'd be busy on Sunday morning wouldn't you?' (remembering that she's like an ordained minister in some Christian sideline church, and might be marrying a couple or giving a sermon or something)
She replies that yes, it will have to be another day because Sunday she will be busy. She gives no details.
We end the conversation with smiles and 'see you soons' and other pleasantries.

I then go out to the train station, that is really weird because the overhead bridge is not 'overhead' but across the track. I assume this is just fine and that it tilts up and open like London Bridge does to let the trains come through. Then I see my train arrive and it's on the other platform, so I start to run over the bridge. It doesn't tilt up but the train gets through fine, and I get across fine. Ah the miracles of an unfettered mind.....
The train is pulling lots of carriages of large, hollow, plastic mouldings, and a couple of passenger carriages too. I alight onto one of the passenger ones, and realise that I'm travelling this all with the autistic boy from my daughter's school, except he's about 18 now in the dream and not autistic. He's just kind of blank and quiet.

And so the train begins to move. And I wake up and need to pee. As is the case now that I'm seven and a half months, and I always need to urinate.

The Most Insane Dream EVER

I'm not into making wild declarations too easily, but this one is correct. The following is a blog about a dream. It involves boobs, strange psychological pregancy associations, cars driving towards you on a road, and IMMENSE frustration. Read on if you dare...

The dream starts with a beach scene. I'm on the beach or at a beach 'hut' on holiday. Various members of my family are around, children, husband, sisters, parents. Milling, drinking juice, playing on the sand, gentle chit-chat going on. I've got this ghastly billowing polkadot halter neck dress on. Must be because it's hot, because its an ugly affair of a dress. Then I notice how big my boobs feel. They are enormous. Big and bloated and swollen, and that's why the dress is on,...'cause the rest of me is sort of bigger too.

"oh shit!" the thought comes to me, the dreamer, that this me, in the dream, is pregnant. And yes! oh dear god! it's true! 'cause I can hear her talking about the 'probably pregnant' me. !! aiieee. Damn, and now we are looking forlorn at a clinic of some sort. A kindly nurse/receptionish type hands me a kind of nice small size shopping bag made out of white shiny card, like the kind of thing you get from Clarins with a free gift of chemicals inside. :)
I open the top and sort through the bizarre arrangement of 'stuff' inside. I'm directed to 'take that' to the clinic (somewhere) down the road, because it will be used for 'the examination'. (like, by fuck, can't you just see I'm pregnant?) I look in the bag again and pull out a strange kind of condom thing. It's huge. like a baby's arm, as the saying goes. And it seems to be made out of the same stuff that old teets used to be made out of. Remember that brown kind of rubber they used to use? Yeah...., like that. Nothing to worry about I'm sure. Pop it back in the bag and get it over with... (yeeek)

So now the me in the dream is sort of resigned to have 'the examination' at 'the clinic' and gets into a car to drive down there. But no, could not be that simple to get this awful thing over and done with. All the cars on the road I have to drive down are pointing at me.
No.
I'm not on the wrong side of the road, but all these cars, mostly white sedans and a few utes, are all ahead of me a way down the road, and I can't tell if they're stationary or not, but they are heading right at me. Each time I check I find that yes, I AM on the right side of the road. So why aren't the cars moving over!? I keep going and going in my car. I'm determined to do this and get back to the beach holiday! But each time I go to drive 'down the road' these cars are in the way.

Finally, this part of the dream fades out. I'm back on the beach in a deckchair but completely naked. Not a stitch on. Boobs are enormously swollen, everybody is milling around doing the chat and drink and eating or looking after the BBQ. Nobody pays the naked me any attention at all.
I ask my husband to grab me a dress 'because I feel like I need a dress honey'. He gets a dress. He stands in front of me showing off the various attributes of the dress he's picked out for me. The cut of the sleeves. The cut of the neckline and 'feel that cool fabric Nette...'. Just odd. So I put the dress on and I'm pulling it over my enormous swollen breasts and I look around at me, the dreamer me. I sort of raise my eyebrows and I distinctively get, 'so here we go again'.

A couple of days later I'm telling one of my sisters about this dream and she nearly coughs herself silly because she had a dream about a little dark blue car trying to get through all this traffic but it was fighting it's way against the flow of cars. It was going through the cars, like it was on the 'wrong side of the road' she says, but it was just pushing on, like it had a mission.
I have a dark blue car. And we dreamt these dreams on the same night.

Cool huh.