helter skelter

Ok, no, I'm not going through another phase of having continuous hits playing in my head, but this phrase does sorta sum up the last few days.

I went with my sisters (all three of them) to have a photo taken by a wonderful photographer, Chris Osbourne, who is doing a study of several sisters over 10year intervals. This weekend was our 10 year mark. We all went along to his groovy house, talked with him and his groovy partner, enjoyed some fine quality coffee and generally had a rad ol time....
then he showed us the photo,..........the one and only photo, that he'd kept from the last sitting 10 years ago.

We weren't being precious, or pretentious, or overly sensitive, but..........WTF was this man thinking!!!

He had saved the one photo from that whole shoot that we all disliked!
It was violently amazing.
Then I time travelled.

I went back 10 years to a time when life pretty much sucked, but on the 'outside' I was 'doing the right thing' with a steady job, a new husband. Completely fucked in the head at this point now. On the 'inside' at that time in my life I was struggling with 'being' married, massive alcohol and drug addiction (and weaning off another kind of drug), depression, restlessness, dissatisfaction with life in general. DWLIG for short.

So DWLIG came to rest in my being and I had a massive implosion that night. Made my lovely husband reveal his true capacity for affection to me (just shy of nil), scared my children by seeing mummy cry, offended my husband again, apparently offended my mother in law who is staying with us, shocked myself with how 'not in control' I was, .............. but eventually came to rest at 'being proud of being true to my feelings'. Not a bad place to land eh?

The next day wasn't much better with Dear Husband being upset that I could be so selfish and actually give in to my inner feelings. How dare I not be strong and just cope! Sheesh! Put up with a lot of distress from a few directions. Then I cleaned up the kids' room, cleaned up my room, had a day at home and got the newsletter done, and felt accomplished. Then Husband was nasty again, but now he is in 'it never happened' mode.

Let's just leave it there shall we?

xxx