Within

There is a quietness here like nothing else. It comes to envelope me in big hugging arms of 'it's ok' energy.

Alll that blather, all that confusion is silenced. It's just me, being quiet.

Still waiting for the 'big thing' to appear, but I'm now ok with the waiting. It is a necessary, so I do accept it.

I had a conversation recently about what happens to me when I'm in full 'consultation' mode, and how I feel unprepared each time for the onslaught of emotional pain, etc. The person responed to my ramblings with the observations that perhaps I am far to empathic and should concentrate my efforts on being sympathetic, as a way of shielding myself. This was a revelation. I always believed that my empathy was a strength, and in one observation, I see it is my biggest weakness....in terms of it being an avenue to drain my energy that could be better focused, not that feeling others pain is a bad thing, just draining for me.

I then started to speak to her about how I find myself relying more and more on 'props' as I called them, for the consultations. I use my gems to shield, to protect, to connect. I use my aura to search, reflect and dissect information. I use so many things from the clothes I wear to the behaviour I express, yet I forget that the biggest tool I have is the bit of me I can't express in words.

A shaman acquaintance (baltic tradition) used the word 'urt' to describe this essence. Like a kind of individual vital force. An individually identifiable chi. This is what I feel is the necessary vanguard, fortress and laboratory for me. I'm going to explore it a lot more in the upcoming months.

Seems so damn simple and I am kind of embarrassed to express the whole finding. But hey. We're all friends here, right?

(The beautiful painting is by Alphonse Mucha. I just LOVE all his stuff. *genuine sigh of envy* This picture is of the Polar Star energy)