Memories of madness and migraines...

I was once a chronic migraine sufferer. I didn't get the standard 'oh my head hurts' type of migraine. I got the industrial strength, skull-splitting-gut-spinning-eye-swirling-tongue-numbing kind. With a little temporary paralysis thrown in for good measure too.

It always ended in a vomit. A three hour journey to heave all the contents and more from my frame. Then the pain would increase, and for days onward I would have that feeling like someone had injected a rubber inner-tube filled with water inside my skull around my brain. Owch.

I remember my first ever migraine vividly.

It's a very lucid memory.

I was five years old and had come home from school with the measles. I remember that Mum and Dad had bought me some Fruit Tingles for a nice sugery hit to make me feel better. I can remember being allowed to play outside in the sunshine for a little while after coming back from the doctor's and then waking up in bed after my fever had broken, but with this weird thing happening to my eyes and a smashing headache. I left the bed, went down to the garden and retreived my half packet of Fruit Tingles from above the hose tap. Then, as I was walking back to the brick steps I heard the rumble of the large semi-trailers steaming down the hill at the bottom of our street. They sounded very far away,..... but I distinctly remember thinking at that moment that if I just could get myself down the road, I could walk under a truck and all the pain would stop. The next thing I remember is being in bed again with Mum telling me I should NOT get out of bed and wander around whilst I was sick. I told her about the trucks then. She was shocked and scared. I scared my Mum really good that day, without any intention to.

Inevitably this prolonged experience with migraines lead to analgesics. Painkillers of many and varied sorts. Aspros did nothing, just made me vomit earlier than usual. Then I was given a few Pethadine injections.(lovely, lovely, lovely) Then, I was prescribed Codiene Asprin at the ripe old age of 15. And, if you give a 15 year old access and permission to prescription pain relief, well then, the outcome is pretty much set.

Anyhoo. Life went on, up and down, small bouts of suspected insanity. A little behavioural self-abuse, a little alcohol abuse (pffttt! actually, a lot), a little bit of running away from my responsibilities, and generally erupted in a big sense of not knowing what the hell I was here for.

They abated suddenly after meeting my husband about 12years ago. Now. I'm not convinced either way which catalyst it was. It could have been the introduction to large amounts of marijuana resin for a short intense period of time. It could have been the meeting of my lovely husband that gave me purpose and connection. It could have been getting out of the family home and running away to the other side of the planet. Methinks it was a conglomerate effect.

I've had a total of about 4 migraines since I've been married, which is a vast improvement on the 2 to 3 times weekly I was having before I met him. I had one today. Out of the blue. I usually like to be able to pinpoint the catalyst, in some form of stress trigger. But no. Don't know.

At least now when I have them I meditate the bastards out and only sometimes have to take a little panadol. It just sucks immensely that I can still get one.

Om Mani Padme Hum.